Gratitude and Gifts After Suicide Loss, Part 3 with Lark Dean Galley

Content warning: This episode discusses death by suicide, and viewer discretion is advised.  If you or a loved one are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please call or text the suicide hotline 988.

Join us in this poignant dialogue as Lark Dean Galley, a mother and grandmother, courageously uncovers the layers of her healing process after her son's suicide. With grace and authenticity, Lark shows us how gratitude and connection served as her lighthouses in the stormy seas of adversity. She even shares the surprising blessings that have blessed her life, including divine messages she received from beyond the veil and the healing presence of a new family member, Caleb.

The conversation deepens as Lark delves into her relationship with her adult children, highlighting the importance of trust, nurturing, and quality time. Listen as she grapples with the question that shadows many who have lost a loved one to suicide: What does this mean for their eternal welfare? In her darkest moments, Lark found solace in the heavenly messages she received from Christian, which brought her comfort and hope. Join us and gain insight into these intimate experiences that have fortified Lark's spirit, reminding us all of the resilience of the human heart.

Lark and I would love to hear your thoughts! If you'd like to support the podcast, please follow/subscribe to be alerted to upcoming episodes and also, I'd love it if you leave a review!

Wishing you lots of love on your own hero’s journey,
xoxo, Karen

Thanks so much for listening!  Please share this episode with your loved ones and spread the love to bless others!
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Connect with Karen Hall

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Podcast: The Hero Within Podcast

Connect with Lark Dean Galley

Website:  https://larkdeangalley.com

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

Hey there, welcome back. I'm Karen Hall, your host of the Hero Within podcast. I'm passionate about sharing inspiring true stories of unsung heroes who've overcome some of life's most challenging adversities. Come along with me and learn how you too can find hope and healing to return to love. Today's episode covers the topic of death by suicide. I know this topic can be distressing and listener discretion is advised. If you or a loved one are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please call or text the suicide hotline 988.

Speaker 1: 0:45

Lark Dean Galli has overcome her unstable childhood. She has her master's degree in economics, was the number one global sales rep for a Fortune 500 company, earning multiple six figures in commission. After working in the corporate world for 25 years, lark left to run her father's company when he passed away unexpectedly from suicide. Lark started her own consulting business. Her 19-year-old son's suicide reinforced her goal to help 100,000 people choose to stay on this planet and step into their greatness. Lark is a devoted wife and mother of four adult children and four grandchildren. Thanks for rejoining us Today.

Speaker 1: 1:29

In Part 3, lark Dean Galli's story continues to unfold in gratitude and gifts after suicide loss. If you haven't heard Part 1 and 2 yet, you'll want to hear the rest of the story about Lark's son, christian, who died by suicide. Lark describes the power of gratitude and amazing gifts that have given her incredible hope. She goes on to describe her healing journey and some unexpected blessings since her son Christian's death, including spiritual messages from the other side of the veil and the addition of a new family member, bonus boy Caleb and his family, who have brought a sense of healing. Lark also addresses one of the most poignant questions that lingers in the hearts of many after losing a loved one to suicide the question about their eternal welfare. Lark's insights provide profound comfort.

Speaker 2: 2:24

I would hope that people can learn the lesson that happiness is not outside, in achieving something that's arbitrary, it is relationships, because in the end that's all you have. I also believe that there's a balance and you have to take care of yourself. And if I'm so set on achieving the next goal and the next goal and the next goal, I'm never taking time to look at that sunset or to just take a walk in nature and to feel and be in touch with myself and God. That's the secret. I have a friend who I took her to the mountains with me and she had literally been working 60 and 70 hour weeks. She has a company, she's the CEO and she's literally working herself to death and she's had several different illnesses over the years where her body is trying to tell her this is not good for you. And we took some walks out in the mountains. You know you think the whole world's gonna come down if you don't work those 60 hours. You're like company's gonna completely implode, but if you're not taking care of yourself, you're not gonna be there anyway.

Speaker 2: 3:29

So I would say have some of your goals to be relationships with the ones you love, with your family members, with your friends, really nurture.

Speaker 2: 3:39

I'm seeing more friends nowadays than I have 20 years prior because I want to make it a priority to interact, to connect. I live in a condo now and I ran into a neighbor whose husband died just over a year ago and, rather than just rushing by, I stopped and talked to her and she was struggling and we had a really open chat. If I had packed my schedule so full like I used to, where I didn't have two minutes to say anything to anybody, I would be missing opportunities to have an impactful conversation, to help somebody on their way, for them, to help me on my way right, for this exchange of true connection and unless you've been through a situation where the grief is so low, you just don't understand how valuable that is. So nurture those relationships now. I don't want any regret to happen in my life. Oh, I wish I had seen so-and-so, or I'd called someone for lunch or whatever it is. You will not regret doing those things.

Speaker 1: 4:41

Yeah, and I appreciate how you said make that an intentional goal to remind yourself and to make that a priority, even just to be conscious of the opportunity to have this conversation with this woman.

Speaker 2: 4:52

I can't emphasize enough family time at the dinner table. You know everybody's rushing here and there. My husband made it a priority for our family. I felt it was very inconvenient because, you know, I've got work to do, I've got this, I've got that, and he made it a priority and I will say that was probably one of the main things that kept our family so close together. It was spending that dinner time almost every night together, creating traditions of you know, at Christmas we do this, or we have this special dessert or we do this activity. You know families can thrive on those traditions. In our family this is what we do. We do certain things. And then the other thing is that unconditional love in that if your child is afraid to come to you and say, mom, you know I messed up or I'm getting a bad grade, or I'm pregnant, or I got my girlfriend pregnant or whatever, and you have a come apart, there's some trust factor there that's gone missing.

Speaker 1: 5:52

If in the past you've had big reactions that can affect the trust. What can you do now if you're trying to rebuild that relationship and you do want to be there and you're struggling with having those reactions?

Speaker 2: 6:05

Right. So about two weeks before my son died, I had been on my journey and I'm like, okay, I'm going to have a conversation individually with each of my children. And about two weeks before my son died, took him to dinner all by ourselves and I said, mom and dad, we're not perfect parents. We tried to do the best we could. I understand, we're not perfect. If there is something you would have liked to change in the way we raised you, why don't you just get it off your chest and just talk to me? He was like, mom, you made me go to seminary and right up until you forced me to go, I was happy to go. But then, when you told me I had to go, then I wasn't happy about going. That was kind of funny and I thought about when my childhood, my mom would always take us to church, my dad would stay home.

Speaker 1: 6:50

I felt so much love for your mother as you talked about your mother and the sacrifices that she made with all the kids and even her forgiveness of your dad and her love for him and just supporting him the very best you could through all those years. We said your mom was an angel and I just thought what a beautiful woman and what a beautiful example. She's probably been a very powerful role model in your life for love.

Speaker 2: 7:14

She would get all seven of us ready and I would have been six, seven at the time. My youngest triplet sisters were probably a year old and we lived in Tennessee. She would drive for an hour to go to this small branch. My dad was not supportive and we did that every week and it wasn't easy. You can imagine it's not easy as a parent even to get a couple kids ready right and to go down the block to church. But to do that over and over again. That instilled in me that on Sundays we go to church. It doesn't matter if it's five minutes or an hour. I went to Sweden as an exchange student in high school and it would take an hour and a half each way to go to church and then it was three hour church. But guess where I was? Almost every Sunday I was in church. Yeah, and it was her example.

Speaker 1: 8:06

Yeah, I was very touched by her role in your life and how steadfast she felt like she was an anchor for you and that you could share your faith together. That was a beautiful thing to have that influence in your life and that role model and then and to continue to have that gift because I'm sure your faith has sustained you throughout my life.

Speaker 2: 8:27

Yes, yes, exactly, exactly. My mom would always take us to church. My dad would stay home. I knew I could do either one without repercussion, and it allowed me and my spirit to make a choice. I thought, my son, please write at a certain age. Allow your children to make a choice so that they're happy where they are. And I would say get ready to put your ego aside and have a conversation. That might hurt a little bit, but it's going to allow you to improve your relationship.

Speaker 2: 8:57

I did that same thing with my other kids once again, and then when I told my younger daughter, I'm like, so you can go to church, you don't have to go to church. She was 18 at the time. She was a senior in high school. She was caught off guard. She thought, wow. Then over the next couple of weeks she tested that right, she didn't go to church or she went with friends to a different church, and I just had to allow whatever she was doing because that was her choice. I said this is what we're going to do, and then I had to abide by it, even though it's not what I maybe wanted. And that's where we can start.

Speaker 1: 9:34

Yeah, oh, that's so good. One of the things that you talked about was love is the most important thing, and so when we're trying to feel that love, but maybe we have a thought like they should be going to church or doing whatever thing that we think they should, but we're trying to have that love, what were some thoughts that helped you to maintain that feeling of love in those moments?

Speaker 2: 9:54

So, first of all, two things we get rid of shoulds. That's just off. I should know I shouldn't. If you're shitting yourself or other people like that should be a red flag. Nope, I'm not doing that.

Speaker 2: 10:06

The other thing is my favorite mantra is not in charge, not in charge. I promise you, if you're not in charge, your life is so much easier. If I'm in charge of my little stuff that I have going on, and my daughter's in charge of her stuff, and I don't have to be in charge of her stuff, my spirit feels so much better. And a lot of times we can notice when we're feeling stressed, depressed or upset. Why? Because we're trying to mess in somebody else's stuff. We're not taking care of our own stuff and just take a step back. Why was I upset? Oh yes, she should have done this and she didn't, but I'm not in charge. Or if it's God's stuff and we're trying to say God should do this, well, god's in charge of his stuff, I'm not in charge of his stuff. I have so much less pressure on myself. I'm just happier because I feel lighter. I'm not in charge. I am so not in charge of so much and that makes me so happy.

Speaker 1: 11:04

I loved it when you said when you applied that in parenting and you said I'm the guide, I'm not the enforcer. Can you tell me some more of those mantras that you had?

Speaker 2: 11:14

Well, like I said, we were a very militant family. It was toe the line, do this. We were the enforcers as parents. You will make sure you show up. We expect a level, like our poor kids. My older daughter said Mom, I graduated from high school without getting pregnant. That's something. And here we were like no, you will graduate with top honors and you will get into the best college and you will do this and you will do that.

Speaker 2: 11:38

And I would just say that we're here to guide them. They need to learn how to make their own choices and the consequences need to be there, and a lot of times there's natural consequences of things, and so, especially as they're younger, helping them understand certain choices and allowing them to make a choice might not be our choice, but allowing them to make certain choices and helping them understand the consequences and then having them talk with you about was that good? Do you think you'll do that again? Maybe not. And help them understand. It's more for them to understand at a younger age than to be out on their own. Mom and Dad have made all their decisions for them. They're now in their 20s and the wheels are off the bus, right, and they're just out of control, because they've never been able to make a decision by themselves. So guide them in their choices, but allow them to make choices. Allow them to do things that you might not do, and it might surprise you how much better your relationship is and how well they do Trust them.

Speaker 1: 12:37

Yeah, trusting them. Another thing that you said that I thought is a huge factor that can come into play is worry less about what people think about what's going on, and if you could talk just a little bit more about that aspect.

Speaker 2: 12:51

Honestly, one of the first thoughts that crossed my head when I heard my son died what will the neighbors think? And then I thought about that.

Speaker 1: 12:59

Who cares what the neighbors think?

Speaker 2: 13:01

I mean, my son is no longer with us. That's a pretty intense thought. And then I started to think if I start talking about suicide prevention, what will other people think about me or what will they think? And then I started thinking it doesn't matter what they think, it's not about me, it's about if my words can save one child. If my words can help one parent not go through what we are going through, I will have changed the world. And I can't tell you how many people have written to me and said thank you because of your message. I made a different choice. I know these kids. They're still here and they're creating beautiful lives for themselves, and that brings me joy. It doesn't matter what other people. People think a lot of things. I'm not in charge of what they think. You're not in charge. No, not in charge, that is the best thing to say. I'm not in charge. My adult children are making lots of decisions and I'm like, oh, wow, ok, good luck with that. And once again, not in charge, right, yeah.

Speaker 1: 14:03

You're allowing your children to make those choices and learn from their experiences. When I remember, you said what matters is how my child and I feel about our relationship.

Speaker 2: 14:12

Yes, exactly.

Speaker 1: 14:14

Can you tell me about some of the gifts that you have received through this experience?

Speaker 2: 14:19

So I'll tell you one. Life is so interesting and I really see God's hand in our life. This was a tragedy. It was hard, but he tried to help us as much as he can. My husband told me about Bonus Boy. Remember Caleb?

Speaker 1: 14:35

Yes, Caleb, yes.

Speaker 2: 14:36

It's such a strange but wonderful situation.

Speaker 1: 14:39

I loved how Caleb was such a healing influence bringing the grandkids and how you said especially for your husband having these grandkids that thought he walked on water. What a joy to have.

Speaker 2: 14:49

And I look at Caleb as being part of that agreeing before this earth life that, yes, I will have a difficult childhood. I will do this because when I come into your lives, it's going to bless you and you will be a blessing to me and I will be a blessing to you and I'm just like, wow, god is in the details and he knows.

Speaker 1: 15:09

Yeah, yeah, and I loved how you welcomed him and your husband welcomed him, because, like you said, that doesn't always happen.

Speaker 2: 15:16

No, it doesn't, yeah, especially in the Mormon community. So my husband's a convert and he moved up from New Orleans to Utah and that's where we met and I just said, ok, here's the deal. This doesn't happen a lot in the LDS community and even if it does, then nobody talks about it. Right, seriously, mm-hmm, right, and I said, but we're going to talk about it, and so I posted on Facebook, I posted all about it. I think I put the words in the book and hundreds of people were like what the heck? What's going on?

Speaker 1: 15:45

And I like how you said that Christian and your husband had things where they bonded over science and different things and Caleb bonded over Southern cooking and Louisiana stuff.

Speaker 2: 15:55

Yes, yes over football and food. And that's the thing is. You're not trying to replace somebody, right? You're just expanding the joy you have.

Speaker 1: 16:03

Yeah, and I love how you said this is all part of the plan and to have him be a part of your life to facilitate even more healing. Yes, I know a lot of people suffer with the guilt, and how have you personally?

Speaker 2: 16:17

Oh yeah, there was a lot of guilt and it was through talking to different people who are spiritually connected and then learning how to be in touch with him myself and to feel that and to feel his guidance and the softening of my heart. Those first three messages tell my mother that I love her, because my heart was hard, I was so angry, and it was over a couple years to just even develop that relationship and have our relationship continue to the point where it is today, where it's just so much love. That's all it is, it's just love. When my son was 16 and we were going through that difficult time, he was pushing every button and I was walking down the hallway and I'm intensely focusing on my favorite topic at the time, which was how is my son upsetting me today? Like I would think on this all the time, and a voice said to me he's not the problem, he's the one you are. And I stopped because clearly I'm the adult, I'm the parent, I am not the problem. And then I had this vision open up in front of my mind and I saw my son and me before we came to earth and my son said Mom, you're going to have a hard time being Christlike, but I am going to help you.

Speaker 2: 17:38

And so that was three years before he died and I tried to change the way I interacted with him Not so militant kinder, still a struggle, but not quite as intense and I tried to be more Christlike with him. I will tell you that since my son has died, I am more Christlike. He has literally fulfilled what he promised to do to help me be more Christlike. I'm more compassionate, I'm more loving. I see things differently. I feel like before he died I was not a hugger. We don't touch people, we definitely don't cry. And now I'm just so sensitive and feel so much love and just tell people we're just here to love all that stuff that you're getting wrapped around, that you think is so important. I promise you it's not important. It's really not as important as you think it is.

Speaker 1: 18:32

Yeah, that's a beautiful thing. I remember in your book you said that he was helping you be more Christian.

Speaker 2: 18:39

Here's my son, christian, who told me he didn't believe in God, and he's helping me become more Christlike and I'm like the irony is not lost.

Speaker 1: 18:49

Oh, that's so beautiful, thank you so much. And thank you because, hopefully, that's what we're all striving to be to be more Christlike and to follow our savers example and we have so many things that get in the way and so to be more conscious, and I mean it was a huge paradigm shift for you to have that beautiful revelation to you about your relationship before your Christian was born and the role he was going to play in your life and the role that he continues to play. And just remembering that, I think, would be such a comfort, such a huge comfort and such a huge motivator to be intentional.

Speaker 2: 19:23

I look at our families and think they're not arbitrary. For better or worse, we are here to learn certain lessons and I feel that our families have made promises to each other so that we will help each other come back to be together. I really believe that and I see that in my son's role in my life and I just can't help but think how much love this boy had for me, that he was willing to help me become Christlike. I don't think there are any accidents and I just want to throw this out there. I think there's a lot of misunderstanding around suicide. We don't say committed suicide, because that sounds like they committed a crime. You don't say committed cancer or anything like that. When somebody dies by suicide, they have overcome their natural tendency for self preservation. They are not in their right minds.

Speaker 2: 20:16

And I will tell you something that happened to me about two years ago. I was feeling very depressed about Christian and I was thinking about his choice and how this probably affected his eternal progression. Right, and let me tell you, he had things to say to me. His voice came right into my head, very impatient, very upset with me. It was like very Christian Mom.

Speaker 2: 20:43

This did not stop my eternal progression and that changed everything about the way I looked at life and his choices and I'm like who am I to put parameters on God and say what the atonement can and cannot do? A lot of times, these churches that have come up over the centuries and this is dogma that they have incorporated, but that has never been truly what the Savior said. So let's not look at people who have died by suicide as a lost cause. They are not lost. And I look at my children, who are making their own choices, and I just pray that they will be on the path back to God. And eternity is a long time and I have a lot of love and if I have to just love them so much that they can't stand to be away from that love, that's the way that I'm going to be with them.

Speaker 1: 21:39

Thank you so much for bringing that up because through my life I've heard some very negative things about their eternal welfare If they choose that way to end their life and that causes so much pain. And now we hear church leaders say we don't know. We just don't know all the answers. Of course there's eternal progression. We know that people even repent in the next life and we also know that the Lord judges our heart and where we are at If we're not thinking clearly. He takes all of that into account.

Speaker 1: 22:10

And so how beautiful to have your son be.

Speaker 2: 22:16

Yes, he was so upset with me Like, okay, I got it.

Speaker 1: 22:20

Yes, he wanted to take that burden off of your heart. Yes, and what a huge weight to have lifted to know that he is progressing.

Speaker 2: 22:29

And that was just like my eyes were opened and I was like wow, I had never considered that.

Speaker 1: 22:35

And I don't know if you said this in your book specifically, but I felt like he's continuing his mission, even by supporting you to write your book and to share your message. I felt him with you as you spoke and that's very tender, that's very beautiful and that's probably one of the most beautiful gifts that you have, and so thank you so much for sharing your heart. Thank you for sharing Christian and helping us all to want to be more Christian. Thank you Awesome. Thank you for sharing those experiences that brought you hope through these hard things and your healing. I loved hearing the healing in your heart. That was beautiful.

Speaker 2: 23:13

It's been a long time coming. It's not always 100%, some days are better than others, but every day I try to be better and try to show love and to connect with people. That's all I can do. I really appreciate it.

Speaker 1: 23:26

This was wonderful. Thanks, karen. Okay, I'll talk to you later. Okay, bye. Wow, what great takeaways today from Lark.

Speaker 1: 23:36

Lark described how important it is to work on building our relationships with our kids, both young children and adult children, through meaningful conversations, dinners together, traditions, allowing children to use their agency and showing unconditional love. Lark also shares how she worked to repair her relationships with her children. Lark shared one of her favorite mantras that has benefited her relationship with her adult children. She repeats I'm not in charge After. She teaches and guides her children and then she allows them to learn from their experiences.

Speaker 1: 24:12

I was so inspired by the divine messages that Lark has received about Christian's promise to her before he was born and how he helped her to be more Christ-like. Lark also shared that she was worried about Christian's eternal progression, which many of us worry about with our loved ones who have died by suicide. Lark was so comforted when Christian shared with her that his suicide did not stop his eternal progression. Lark said it also brought her so much joy to have Christian help her write her book and that he is with her whenever she speaks about him. I celebrate Lark's faith in the Lord and these glorious heavenly messages that she's received and the great comfort that they have brought Lark. These messages give hope to all of us who have lost a loved one, knowing they are intimately aware of us and they are right by our side, not far away.

Speaker 1: 25:09

Thanks for listening. I know you're busy. Did you know that you help spread the love by leaving a review and following? This helps increase our visibility so people can find us online. I really appreciate your help. I'm wishing you lots of love in your own hero's journey.