Glowing Through Adversity with Divine Resilience with Symone Fairchild, Part 1

Have you ever wondered how someone can transform the deepest pain into their greatest strength? Simone Fairchild, a survivor turned advocate and force for good, shares how she has transformed her pain into purpose, with me, Karen Hall, the host of The Hero Within Podcast. 

In part 1 of 2, she describes her extraordinary story of overcoming domestic abuse and empowering others to reclaim their life. Symone's candor about her past abuse and her path to healing, intertwined with spiritual awakening is an inspiration.

 We dive into the creation of Eye On DV, Symone's nonprofit dedicated to eradicating domestic violence, and how her personal triumphs showcase her divine resilience and empathy, gifts from God.

In this heartfelt exchange, we discuss the power of forgiveness and love  in the difficult but rewarding process of forgiving an abuser.  In forgiving, we liberate ourselves. Our discussion opens a window to the notion that hate can poison from within and that understanding an abuser's inability to love can pave the way for forgiveness , albeit from a safe distance.  Thank you for listening, for your engagement and for your support to share our healing messages!

If you enjoy this show, please subscribe, review and rate with your reflections with our community.

I'm wishing you lots of love on your own hero's journey,
Karen
xoxo

Connect with Karen Hall
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Connect with Symone Fairchild
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Symone Fairchild, from the Washington D.C. area, was raised in the martial arts, and has an entrepreneurial spirit coursing through her veins which affords her a “pick yourself up by the bootstraps” type of tenacity. She is a warrior of God, a single mom, an actress, screenwriter, producer, director and activist. It is from her creative platform and thriving post-domestic abuse that God has meant her to help and love others. She has braved the storms of healing and reinventing, emotional rollercoasters, and building a foundation for life for she and her son from absolutely nothing. Now that her mission is clear, she will never stop fighting for others through her organization, EyeOnDV, THE movement to eradicate domestic violence, and she will never stop fighting for her son. 

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

Hey there, welcome back. I'm Karen Hall, your host of the Hero Within podcast. I'm passionate about sharing inspiring true stories of unsung heroes who've overcome some of life's most challenging adversities. Come along with me and learn how you too can find hope and healing to return to love. How are you doing?

Speaker 2: 0:30

I'm just so happy. I'm just I'm so happy to be here with you and finally get a chance to sit down and talk with you and be in the space, and I'm just like, I'm just happy.

Speaker 1: 0:42

Oh, I'm so happy to be with you too. It's been a long time. We've been trying to coordinate and get together.

Speaker 2: 0:47

Oh, I know it's been a long time, but here we are and we're just going to fill this space with just so much warmth and just energy, and just I just know it.

Speaker 1: 0:56

You're so kind and you're so beautiful. You're just beaming, I feel it.

Speaker 2: 1:01

I'm just wonderful. I just there really aren't any words for it. I'm just wonderful.

Speaker 1: 1:07

Oh, that just makes me so happy. It's just such a celebration, I know, I know, simone, tell us about you, introduce yourself and tell us about you.

Speaker 2: 1:17

Okay, let's see. First of all, I am Simone Fairchild. I am an actress, screenwriter. I'm going to be directing, coming up here soon. I'm also a producer. I've started on the path of singing as well, and I was born into a martial arts family, so I'm now a master of Tian Shan Pai, which is Northern Shaolin Kung Fu. So I've been doing it since I was three and a half, and I'm also a mom to the most amazing nine year old little boy that there is on the planet. That's so awesome. I'm also the CEO and founder of I On DV.

Speaker 2: 1:54

That's my nonprofit. It is the movement to eradicate domestic violence. I am a survivor of domestic abuse, but now a thriver and let me show you guys my shirt. This is thrivers, thriver, post-abuse and boy has that taken seven years for me to become a thriver. And it has taken seven years of consistent growth, both emotionally and spiritually.

Speaker 2: 2:22

Those two things were absolutely tied together the entire time, and whether it was scary, dark, unknown, no matter what it was, I had to keep going. My mission is to help people learn how to thrive again, and, for the most part, human beings have gotten away from knowing what it feels like, what it is, what it looks like to thrive. So that's my mission on the planet to do that through my nonprofit and then through my platform as an artist and creator. Oh, and I'm also a mom to the most amazing nine year old little boy that there is on the planet. So this is one part that I'm actually dealing with in my spiritual program now. I was molested as a child. I was young I think I was six, but I know it ended when I was nine and that was never dealt with. It was never unpacked. So I'm unpacking and dealing with all that right now and because I've done so much other spiritual work and clearing out everything else, I'm starting from a really good place in dealing with that.

Speaker 1: 3:25

Yeah, so I was going to ask you tell me about your spiritual journey.

Speaker 2: 3:29

As an adult, I felt that my spiritual journey began hand in hand with trying to heal from the domestic abuse, and I call it me chasing after God, like my hair was on fire, like I literally couldn't get enough. At the time I was a member of a church called Rocky Peak and that's in I think it's Chatsworth, california, and let me tell you that place God is definitely there. God's spirit is in the trees, in every brick, in every drop of concrete, in every person. And I remember the day that they announced baptisms. You would have thought I was surged with energy. I'm like, oh my gosh, I gotta get back. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.

Speaker 2: 4:13

And I would look up from my study and I would have spent three hours working on that study, having no idea where that time went. I was just so engrossed and I was going back and back further, identifying the times in my life where whoa, that must have been God that helped me through that. There's no way, especially through the molestation, for instance. I was really young. How did I get through that? With no help, no support, no, nothing, being so young.

Speaker 1: 4:46

Tell me more about that. When you looked back, and what were the things that you saw, about how God was with you, because that's such a joyous feeling and you can see, oh, he was there with me had to have been when I was going through my growth as an adult.

Speaker 2: 5:00

You start to understand what is within you and what your emotions start to mean, and as you're going back in your life and you're unpacking everything, you start to notice. When you're recalling certain instances, I remember having this emotion or this feeling, and now that I know what this feeling means, I know that he must have been there. And so there were certain qualities that I had when I was a kid. I was always very quiet, I always stood in the background. I really never said much of anything. I was basically raised to be seen and not heard, like pretty much women in general. But I was also very strong and very resilient and I think part of that was just, naturally, who I was and am, but also, naturally, what came from the whole martial arts and the discipline of that and the aspects certain aspects of martial arts. But there were certain qualities that I had with other people. So I always befriended other kids who were either being bullied or needed friends or needed support or wanted love or whatever. And when I look back I was like where did I get that from? How did I know to do that? Why was I compelled to reach out to other kids and bring them home, like my dad always said that I would always bring stray cats home, meaning I would always bring the kids home who needed a family, needed love or being bullied and stuff. And so, given the type of kid that I was, being so quiet and so naturally withdrawn and whatnot, where did I have that strength, where was that superhero quality to reach out and protect other people? And that was 100% the God within me.

Speaker 2: 6:44

And now I have learned how to grow that spark within me and let that flow without. I'm really learning to be able to let what is within be without. And that can be scary, given the type of world that we live in that's not really tolerant of emotion and especially women being strong and showing our emotion and really fully being who we are. It's ooh, it can be kind of rough, but I'm not staying in that cage anymore and I don't really care what anybody else says about it, what anybody else feels about it. If they don't like it, they can change the channel. But if you want to show up for it, I'm here for it and I'll show you how to do it yourself. Yeah, so that's how it started and that's how it's grown.

Speaker 2: 7:34

I just love how you just own it so, so strong within you. And when you discover it, you have this feeling and there really aren't any words in language to describe how powerful it is. You just have to show it. You know how, sometimes, like you hear in Hollywood. But you'll hear certain people say, yeah, she's got that it quality or he's got that it quality. This is exactly what it is. The only way you can describe it is she's got it. There's not really a sentence, but you see it. When they're in your presence, like you feel it when you're in their presence, it's that spark that they're letting, they're being so brave to let out and let show and let fuel whatever their work is, whatever they're speaking of or speaking from, or being, or living or doing. That's their inner spark that they're allowing to let flow and it's just like the feeling is just there are no words.

Speaker 1: 8:31

there are no words to me it's being aligned and it's being aligned with this God given purpose. And to. First of all, I know you've probably heard this quote, but the most important day in our life is I think it's when we were born. And the second most important day is when we figure out why and I think that's what you're saying is that you have figured out why and you have figured out how to use these God-given gifts that you have and that burning feeling inside you that, even as a child, you are reaching out to help other people and to nurture them. And it's pretty amazing because when you felt like you didn't get that, to be able to have that, like you said, where did it come from? It had to have come from God.

Speaker 2: 9:17

Yep, yep, man, purpose is something else and we're all born with it. But you only know what that purpose is If you look within, the hero within. If you find that hero within, that is your purpose and you keep your eye on that ball. You put that hero on that horizon, whether that horizon is 10 feet away or 10,000 miles away, wherever you feel comfortable, you put that purpose on that horizon and you keep your eye on that ball and God will help you get to that horizon every single time. Is that purpose, boy? Yeah, purpose, and that purpose too.

Speaker 2: 10:00

You keep that purpose in mind, you keep that purpose in your heart and your soul and you are aligned with it and you literally will call in your energy, will call in Every tool, every person, everything that you need in order to accomplish that purpose. Because we need to remember that God is living through each and every one of us. He can't be here to be a podcaster. He can't be here to be an actress. He can't be here to be like an architect. He can't be here to do that. So he has to live through all of us. So he will certainly give us, whatever it is that we need to live, our greatest selves that hero within, because he's going to be up there having a party. If each and every one of us is doing what we are meant to do, so it will behoove us to listen to that purpose, because it's going to make us the happiest we could be, and it's also going to make God just as happy as he can possibly be too.

Speaker 1: 10:58

It's so true. It's so true because when I feel like I am doing what I was meant to do, it reminds me of being his hands down here, and when I'm in pain and somebody comes and comforts me, I feel like they're God's hands to help me in my life, and I feel like we have that within us, too, to do the same thing, and I feel the same way that he's celebrating when we do that.

Speaker 2: 11:21

Yeah, and when someone comes to you when you're in pain and they love on you and they support you, that is that unconditional oh, I'm getting goosebumps. Do you get those goosebumps? Yes, but yes, I'm getting goosebumps. That is that unconditional love that we all have within us, that God is giving you to give to that person, because each and every one of us were hardwired for love. Like each and every one of us, no matter who we are, how old we are, what our culture is, we all need that love, to give it and to receive it when people are in need of it, and you can give that to them. That is God. That's nothing but God.

Speaker 1: 12:03

Absolutely, and it's been interesting in my life when there are times when I haven't felt loving towards somebody and maybe they've done something or there's been some kind of a conflict and I've asked God please give me your love, please let your love flow through me, because I'm not feeling it right now. And he does every single time. He softens my heart and he gives me his love and that, to me, is the most incredible miracle.

Speaker 2: 12:33

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I see that a lot. This is what comes to mind when you mention something like that. So you have a scenario where someone has been taken in the case of a murder or something and then you hear about the mom of the child whose life was taken and that mom says I forgive this person. And this mom is just in tears and she absolutely forgives this person. And this person is now crying because he or she feels the love from this person that he took something so great from. That to me is like the most ultimate show of unconditional love is when that can happen, because that woman, that mom, has, honestly, every human right in the world to hate that person's guts, but she found it within herself to forgive that person and love this person and let them go in whatever way God deems necessary. And I get that. I get it Like that's huge, oh absolutely.

Speaker 1: 13:38

I think that, like when you talk about the gospel and living like the Savior, would that's the ultimate test right there. And have you had experiences in your life where you've had to forgive?

Speaker 2: 13:50

Yes, yes, yes, one really big one. So my abuser, it's been a seven year challenge. It's been a seven year thing, or actually longer, and I had never hated him. I've never really hated anyone. I don't see the point in hating someone because, really, that energy that you're creating within yourself, that is within you, so that person isn't feeling that hate, you're feeling that hate and that's just creating more hate in your life. So what is the point? But I never saw the point in hating him, because what he really needed was love.

Speaker 2: 14:28

He's not, he's not able to create love the way we are meant to and really, in his very unhealthy way, he was trying to go about getting love and giving love. He just doesn't know how, and I've had to forgive him and, realistically, in situations like that, what you have to do first and foremost is to forgive yourself, because, of course, there are going to be times where you feel guilty. You feel like you might have caused it. What did I do to cause this? And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But you didn't cause anything. You were just being yourself. I was just being who I was meant to be and just so happened. Someone was not healthy and he needed love, so he needed to be forgiven and, to be honest with you, he has given me two of the most important things that I will ever have in my life and one of them is my introduction to God. Like, really truly my introduction to God, because if I didn't have the experience with him then I wouldn't have been running after God, like I say, with my hair on fire Because I needed to understand.

Speaker 2: 15:36

I am equal parts left, right and right brain, so I really needed to understand why something so horrific happened to me, when really all I've done in the world is try to make it so that other people feel loved since like birth, like why did this happen? I have to understand and in doing that, I had to understand him and who he was. And in my quest for God and understanding him and going through my healing, I understand who he is, why he is the way that he is, how he came to be the way that he is, and I get it as unhealthy as it is. I understand and I wish that I could give him the love that he needs, but he's just not in a space soul wise in order to be able to receive it and give it back out into the into world in a healthy way. So in order for me to forgive him, in order for me to love him, I have to do it from afar.

Speaker 1: 16:41

That's such a powerful thought, though, to understand that he didn't know how to show love. He didn't know how. That just wasn't in his capability. And when you can understand that someone is not able to love, it is easier. You're able to love, but he's not at that same level. He doesn't have that same understanding or that same capability. And so, when you said, what he needs is love, I can forgive him and I can send him on his way, and that is such a powerful thing to then allow him and God to work it out and you to just send him loving thoughts and hope that his life goes better or whatever. What a gift. And what's so ironic through the process is that forgiveness is not just a gift for them, but it's such a powerful gift for ourself. You were free, you liberated yourself from the torment and the pain by forgiving. It's such a beautiful irony.

Speaker 2: 17:43

Yeah, and it lets yourself off the hook. And the only way that you can get to the point where you can let yourself off the hook is to allow yourself to go through the scary process of healing. And healing is scary because you really just don't know what you're going to find when you look within. And that's another place where ooh, getting goosebumps, yep, there they are. That's another place where your relationship with God comes in, because you're in the space, you're in the within, and the within is dark because you just can't see in there and you can't see what's in the dark. So the only anchor that you really have in there is God. So every time you open the door in that dark room, god is there with you, his spirit is there with you and his spirit is there within you. Healing and, oh man, I just I can't give enough props to God. I just can't.

Speaker 1: 18:40

I know and like even when I was saying about forgiving, I believe that the only way that I am able to forgive is because God gives me that forgiveness. It's not natural, like you said, that woman whose child had been murdered, she would have every right to hate the murderer's guts, and so it's not a natural way, but with God he enables us and that, to me, is so joyous because I can feel that when it happens, I know it's not me, I know that it's Him, it's not me. When I can feel God enabling me to do whatever it is to forgive, to love, to use my gift, to put it out in the world, to go through that scary thing. It's always such a joyous experience for me because I know it's not me. I am nobody as far as the world view, but I'm somebody important to God and he uses me to do things whatever it is, to reach out to somebody, like you said, who's hurting, and when he inspires me to do something, and then I see that it was God.

Speaker 1: 19:48

Thank you, lord, thank you for telling me and giving me that nudge to reach out to someone, because I didn't know. Personally, I had no knowledge of the situation, and so I think that you felt that nudge. Ever since you've been a child, you have felt the Lord moving through you to bless other people. Well, this is so fascinating with your healing journey because I can see that God is opening you to even more ability to give. Because as you remove whatever is in that dark corner, that dust, that mold that's growing over there, then the light shines and you have more to give.

Speaker 2: 20:29

And it makes you wonder too, like you're sitting here in your skin and when you become aware that God is using you as a vessel and you understand the vastness of all God is. He's created universe on top of universes, on top of universes that we don't even know about, and he's going to use little on me, like how am I going to fit all of that in here? And then, really, at the same point, I'm just like do I have the capacity to be able to harness all of that? And that really worried me for a while, I would say for a little while. It hindered what I call my glow up and it scared me. I'm like how I understand what he wants me to do? He wants me to impact the world through the gifts that he's given me. Okay, wonderful, got that part, that makes sense. But he wants to use me as a vessel. Like all of his energy has got to come down through me and I've got to give it to everybody. What I'm like, how do I eat what he's bringing me out now? But now that I understand it goes back to saying that he doesn't give you more than you can handle, right? So he's given me the gift of acting. He's given me the gift of writing, he's given me the boss-like nature of directing which I never thought I was going to do, and producing and now singing, and the mission of healing trauma. And who knows what else there's going to be for the next 50, 60, 70 years, who knows? But I now understand how he moves to use me as a vessel. I don't have to be his size. If he didn't want to use human beings as vessels, we wouldn't exist. So we're all here to be used as a vessel individually. And when I get the confirmation that I am being used, especially in the moment, like, I'll get up and talking about the goosebumps and stuff, or there'll be synchronicities in certain instances or, for instance, he'll bring a person into my space, like you mentioned, and it's through the conversation or after the conversation I'll get the confirmation oh, I got it, got it, got it, thanks, okay. So it is the greatest feeling in the world to know that you're being used by God as a vessel. And I'm just like I imagine, like when I grow.

Speaker 2: 23:04

I have this list of things that, like, I meditate on almost every day, and one of them is I'm one stage at the Oscars, accepting my Oscar for my film. And, of course, I am falling all over my words, I'm crying, I can't breathe, but I stop and I just look at everybody, being aware that they're just like me. They all have souls, they all have that spark. They're all beautiful in and of themselves and I just sit and I look at them and I'm just like. I am so grateful for each and every one of you. I am so grateful that each and every one of you have had the courage to live your greatest self. I can see through all of you, your soul, your goodness, your brightness, your spark, and you all are beautiful, beautiful. And I'm not talking about your gowns. I don't care if you're wearing Oscar de la Renta, I don't care who you're wearing, I don't care who did your makeup. I don't care about any of that I'm talking about. I am looking at each and every one of your souls and you are so beautiful. I just want to say thank you for being yourselves and having the courage to be yourselves, because there's so much that you are doing for each and every one of us and it just.

Speaker 2: 24:25

I think that people are just. They don't know how beautiful they are and, given how the world is, it's made people so scared to be who they are. Please, if you need to latch on to somebody else and they latch on to you, that's the whole point. Human beings are communal. Latch on to someone so you can help them and they can help you. Look inward and have that courage to unpack and heal and let that glow up happen. Glow up, glow up.

Speaker 2: 24:57

People have such beauty within them and the beauty just doesn't even describe it. And just allow yourself to feel that glow up and feel that energy and you just start having dance parties just out of nowhere, just by yourself in your room, just like today. My son thought I was nuts, like I woke him up this morning and I'm having a dance party just out of nowhere. They have it four times before we left for me to take him to school. I'm just like what is going on? I'm just having dance parties Just in the kitchen, just having a dance party, no music's on, but that's the glow up and I realized we're going to spend this entire conversation talking about God. Yep.

Speaker 1: 25:38

Great Because my hair is on fire. Chasing after him too, still.

Speaker 2: 25:42

Like it doesn't ever go away. It's like the more you heal yourself and the more you look inward and the more you want to know. And because he's omnipotent, which means there's no end to him, which means there's no end to you getting to know who he is and who he is in you. So our hair is going to be on fire until we get to be in.

Speaker 1: 26:06

What's so amazing is when you're talking about how big he is and what he wants us to do is so big. And so we get yes, okay, he wants us to use our gift, but then how and how am I going to do this? And I remember when I've had those feelings like I need to do this thing, I need to use my gift in this way, and I thought, but I don't know how. And the answer always comes you don't have to know how. I am the. I am the how. I am the way maker. I will make the way for you. All you need to do is just step out into the dark and use your faith and I will guide you.

Speaker 1: 26:41

And when you said he doesn't give us things that we can't handle, I always think when I'm in a situation, I think wait, but this is too much, this is too hard for me to handle. You gave me something that's too hard. He always says it's not too hard with me. Yeah, just keep. Keep reaching out for me, hold my hand, I'm with you and together we can do this hard thing. And that has always brought me so much joy.

Speaker 1: 27:07

Because when I, like you said, when you feel him with you and you feel him helping you. It. It is such a comfort. And then when I'm not aligned with him, ooh, it just feels lonely and I feel a bit lost and I'm like, ooh, gotta get back there, gotta get back aligned again. I rely on him to show me the way. When I think of him as the way maker, that is also such a comfort, because so many times I do feel like I'm in the dark just trying to figure something out. It's a mystery, I don't know how to do that thing. And he just says just trust me. Just trust and keep stepping forward, one little step at a time, and I will shine the light and show you the next step. That's all you need to know.

Speaker 2: 27:50

Exactly, exactly. What I'm finding is that sometimes, in fact a lot of the times, when you're in a space where it's too much, that so much is flying at you also during that time and you feel overwhelmed, and I find that the saying be still in that time, be still and allow yourself to just be in the moment. And sometimes it might take a day. You just might need to take a day and just decompress and just allow yourself to sit in the quiet. Or it might take just 10 minutes sitting in the car. Just be still in the moment and allow all of the extraneous noise to fall away, and he'll give it to you and then he'll pop into your brain oh, okay, awesome, you'll get the direction and then you will step out and your foot will land on him. Yeah, and he'll give you the tools to give you the direction and just keep it moving. That's right.

Speaker 1: 28:51

So tell me how is he guiding you right now? Thank you so much for being here and listening to today's show. I know life is busy. I appreciate you and value the time we spend together. If you enjoyed this message, please subscribe, leave a review and include any questions you have for our guests. I'll read your review and mention you by name in my Thursday episode. See the show notes to get the link to join our Facebook group email list and to listen and watch our episode on YouTube. I'm wishing you lots of love in your own heroes journey.