The Healing Gift of Empathy in Times of Grief

Feeling the weight of the world's tragedies? You're not alone. In the latest episode of Hero Within, I, your host Karen Hall, share my own struggles with grief and the overwhelming feelings that come with bearing witness to the hardship pervading the world. We dive into the importance of acknowledging pain instead of rushing to find a quick fix, and discuss the power of self-validation and grace in navigating these trying times. 

As we move deeper into the conversation, we transition from the harsh realities of grief to the transformative power of hope. I share inspiring stories of individuals who found a spark of hope amidst entrenched despair, a testament to human resilience and the potential for healing. This episode challenges us to not only acknowledge our own pain but also to find ways to share hope and light with others, affirming that even the smallest efforts can make a significant difference. So, tune in and let's navigate this journey together.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

Hey there, welcome back. I'm Karen Hall, your host of the Hero Within podcast. I'm passionate about sharing inspiring true stories of unsung heroes who've overcome some of life's most challenging adversities. Come along with me and learn how you too can find hope and healing to return to love.

Speaker 1: 0:30

After the news in the last week, it all feels so heavy. Does it feel heavy to you too? The tragedies we've been confronted with have been so hard to process. The evil in this world is beyond comprehension. It's normal to feel overwhelmed in these situations and it can also feel draining. Have you noticed yourself with less energy, less focus and accomplishing less when you feel overwhelmed? The last several months prior to this, I've had plenty of my own hard things and I already felt depleted, so right now I feel even more heaviness and even less able to focus.

Speaker 1: 1:09

Sometimes it's difficult to work on my podcast and other projects because they seem so unimportant in comparison to what is happening in the world. Every time I start to cover a podcast topic, I struggle to find the words and my mind wanders to innocent people being tortured, assaulted, kidnapped and killed. As an empath, my heart aches for those who are suffering and for their loved ones who are also suffering. As a life coach, I think of the incredible trauma they've experienced and the years of support that they and their families will need to heal. I'm not even near the events, but my heart has felt weighed down with sadness. Several fellow online friends describe the feelings I have when they said that talking about other things seems pointless sometimes and they're sorry if they don't seem as passionate, but we're all human and I can so relate to these feelings. One of the interesting things about grief is the reality of loss. How many times is your heart aching and you're just in so much pain? And when you tell someone they want you to look on the bright side, at that moment you don't feel that there is a bright side, not for you and not right now. I've heard people accuse others who are grieving that they're just wallowing in their pain.

Speaker 1: 2:32

Make and define has a different view. When referring to someone who is suffering with grief, she says, quote here's what I most want you to know. This really is as bad as you think, no matter what anyone else says. This sucks. What happened cannot be made right. What is lost cannot be restored, end quote. And I would add it cannot be restored, at least not today, and not in the way we want right now. We will never go backward to the way it was or the way we were. We are forever changed and it's so important to acknowledge the reality of the loss and the pain. Divine continues quote You're in pain. It can't be made better. The reality of grief is far different from what others see from the outside. There is pain in this world that you can't be cheered out of. You don't need solutions. You don't need to move on from your grief. End quote. And this may shock some positive thinkers out there. At first we may feel resistance when we hear this thought, but then she continues quote you need someone to see your grief, to acknowledge it. You need someone to hold your hands while you stand there in blinking horror staring at the hole that was your life. End quote.

Speaker 1: 4:06

Some things can't be fixed and we shouldn't try to fix it. It's not like a broken bone that we rush to the doctor, have it set, cast it and wait for it to heal. But why? Why shouldn't we fix it? This is such a human tendency to want to fix things. But one of the reasons why we shouldn't fix it is because that is not our judgment to make to fix it or how to fix it or when to fix it, because part of the grieving process is feeling the pain and when we are ready to then move through it. Oh, the beauty of someone being with me in my pain, sitting with me and seeing me and seeing my pain, hearing me in my pain, validating my feelings and not rushing the process. I can't even tell you how safe I feel in those moments and that safety is the perfect environment to grieve. Being wholly accepted as I grieve is such an amazing gift. You know, it's interesting because we think that if we validate and if we accept someone in their grief, that they're going to stay there. But the truth is that that is what we need when we are grieving to be able to then move through it. Not only do I love it when someone else offers me this gift, but I love it when I am able to offer it to myself. I have to accept that I am allowed to feel how I feel and it's okay. I need to offer myself grace during these moments and validate myself. Offering myself love and grace and validation are like manna from heaven.

Speaker 1: 6:02

Human external issues trigger wounds within us and we must be patient with ourselves as we deal with our feelings. This is part of reparenting myself to heal my inner child. I'm not only dealing with the current issue, but I am also dealing with the earlier, deeper wound. It's important that we also recognize that we are not alone. We often feel like we're the only one who feels this way, but then others start to share and we realize we're not the only one who feels this weight. We are all connected and we each feel overwhelmed at times, and then, in that environment of safety, love and validation, something changes within us. When we feel ready and when we are open and able to look at the situation differently, we can pause and step back for a moment and acknowledge that, even though we feel helpless by the overwhelm, we really aren't helpless. Although this helpless feeling causes us to think that we can't control anything, we actually can. We can ask ourselves what is one thing that we can do. Amidst the heartbreak and helplessness, we can choose to take action in some way, no matter how small.

Speaker 1: 7:28

The main reason why I started my podcast was to share stories of people who have felt hopeless and helpless with their trauma for an extended period, and yet they found a spark of hope that grew inside of them. There is power in this spark of hope. When you share your spark of hope with me, it is like our lights join together and they grow. When we see a flicker of light in the complete dark, our eyes are drawn to the light, we automatically focus on that light and we want to move towards the light. Light is powerful. I don't know about you, but at my age when I'm trying to read like small fine print, I have to have brighter light to be able to see it, and it's amazing how we can see more clearly and gain more clarity when we have more light.

Speaker 1: 8:22

I remember the first time I heard the concept that darkness doesn't drive away light but, in contrast, light dispels darkness, regardless of how small the light. If you think about a dark room that there's a light on in the hallway and you open the door, just a little crack, this tiny bit of light can go through that crack and the darkness can leave, but the darkness doesn't go out of the room and drive away the light in the hallway. Isn't that fascinating? I remember as a girl being in a pitch black cave with my family and the lights were all turned off as an experiment. I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face. I was disoriented and I reached for the wall of rock behind me to help me feel safe. And then a match was lit and this tiny flame drove the darkness out. And that is the beauty of light Light chases away darkness. Even if the flame only exists for a moment during its lifetime, it penetrates and removes the darkness and the fear.

Speaker 1: 9:36

I also remember an interesting phenomenon when walking in the forest in our backyard, walking away from our house, deeper into the trees, the darkness would begin to surround me. I often forgot my flashlight and I would sometimes stumble on logs or rocks or other rough terrain because I couldn't see. I would have to walk slowly to make sure the path was clear as I moved forward and then, after I finished my task, I turned back toward the house. The night was still dark, I was still surrounded by trees, but through the branches I could see the small light through the window of our house, and this dispelled the darkness and gave me a focus. I was able to move toward the house. I marveled at how much more confidently and quickly I could return to the house, compared to how unsure I felt and how long it took as I walked away from my house.

Speaker 1: 10:33

We can be that light in the darkness. No matter how small we think our light is or how short-lived our flame burns, we can still chase away darkness. And when I join my light with your light, our flame grows even brighter together. This is exactly why I do my podcast, speak to groups, write my book and coach my clients. I can share my little light, no matter how small it seems. Even when I only feel like the smallest spark. I can share my spark and help other fires to start. I can help fan the flames of others who feel that their spark is fading. Heaven knows I've felt that feeling and I'm so grateful for the Lord and for my loved ones, who not only appreciate this little light of mine, but they also gather close to provide a windbreak and they gently fan my flame and add fuel until I can glow brighter. I love hearing stories of others who have found this same blessing in their life and I love sharing their stories with you to give you a spark of hope and to strengthen you so you feel a boost and can share your light with others too.

Speaker 1: 11:50

And when everything seems overwhelming and we struggle to think of what we can do. We can always turn to the light of the world and pour our heart out to Him. We can ask Him to shine His light on us and on those who are hurting. We can be a safe place for others who are grieving and validate them and support them lovingly as they move through their grief. We can be mindful and work not to try and fix it. We can fan the flames of others and add our spark of light. We may not know the good that we do, but trust me, our love and our light are powerful gifts that the Lord has given us to combat the pain in this world. Thank you for your love and your light that you shine in my life and for blessing me. Thanks for listening. I know you're busy. Did you know that you help spread the love by leaving your review and following? This helps increase our visibility so people can find us online. I really appreciate your help. I'm wishing you lots of love in your own hero's journey.