The Hero Within Karen Hall

Courageously Facing Childhood Cancer, Part 2 with Dirk and Sharla Gardner

• Dirk and Sharla Gardner • Season 1 • Episode 66

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Have you ever wondered how faith can provide strength during the darkest times? Join me, your host Karen Hall, as I sit down with Dirk and Sharla Gardner in a deeply moving episode. This courageous couple opens up about their heart-wrenching journey - from their son's cancer diagnosis, through his treatment, grappling with unanswered prayers, and learning to accept the Lord's will. Their story is a beacon of hope, resilience, and healing, even when faced with the unthinkable.

The Gardners candidly discuss their struggles, and reflect on how their lives and faith changed after their son's diagnosis. Dirk shares his journey towards a new understanding of faith. It's not about his plan, but in God's plan. Sharla reveals how faith was their anchor in the storm and talks about the tender mercies they experienced. Their story beautifully demonstrates the power of faith, love, and mutual support. Prepare to be inspired by the Gardners' unwavering hope and strength amidst adversity.

Speaker 1:

Hey there, welcome back. I'm Karen Hall, your host of the Hero Within podcast. I'm passionate about sharing inspiring true stories of unsung heroes who've overcome some of life's most challenging adversities. Come along with me and learn how you too can find hope and healing to return to love. In the captivating second installment of our two-part series, join Dirk and Charlotte Gardner as they bravely recount how they navigated the challenges of confronting childhood cancer in their son. Their compelling narrative dives into the uncharted territory of unanswered prayers and the profound lessons they gleaned about faith, and the Lord's will Listen as they paint their story about how they found solace in each other as a couple, as a family, and in their unwavering connection with the Lord. Let's continue with how Dirk was feeling as he was pouring out his heart to the Lord.

Speaker 2:

I would not allow myself to go there at all. So here we are, several months into this. I'm angry, he's had meningitis again and I'm going home and I am shouting in the truck by myself at God. I felt abandoned and I, just in that lengthy conversation that I had with him, I was less than nice or polite.

Speaker 2:

I was less than that. I had had it. I just where have you been? My whole life I have tried to serve you. I am doing everything that I possibly can and I don't know that you're there, I don't know that you're even listening to me. And in that time I just said all right, I am done. Whatever you feel like you have to do, you do it, I'll accept it. I just need to move forward. We need to start moving forward with our life. It was at that moment where I just said okay, you will be done and I will accept it. I'm tired of seeing Sam suffer, extreme suffer, and we've got to just move on. So the first time I just said all right, I'll accept whatever you have in store for us, whatever you have in store for Sam, we'll do it. And I'm not saying that that's what changed things for everyone, but I think that's the lesson that I had to learn.

Speaker 1:

Tell me more about that conversation.

Speaker 2:

Well, you're alone in a truck and it's a dark outside and you're having this shouting match and just saying you have abandoned me and I've. You've been with me my whole life, but when I need you the most you're not there. So is it the footprints in the sand type of thing? I don't know, maybe it is. But there was just something where I was so tired of seeing Sam suffer, tired of seeing Charlotte, our whole family, just on edge all the time. I just said, all right, I'm tired of this, so if you have something else in store for him and I'll accept it, there was a little bit of that faith left in me where I just said I'll accept it whatever. We just need to not feel the way we're feeling right now.

Speaker 2:

And it's not that I wouldn't say that a spirit came on me and said everything's going to be fine at this point. Thank you for saying that. That's what I've been waiting for. It wasn't that at all. But that's when things started to change for Sam, where he started feeling better and we started getting more direction. He was getting ready to be released now. But I would say my personal lesson in that was not me saying my faith is so strong that I can make things happen. My lesson was my faith needs to be in God, not in our plan yeah not in my plan, but in God's plan.

Speaker 2:

That was just. It was a great lesson to learn, a difficult lesson to learn. But that's one thing that has stayed with me for so many years since then is that it's not about me, it's not about what I want. I can want a lot of really nice good things, even if I think that it's good, but it might not be God's will, it might not be God's plan, and that's the lesson I had to learn and I think he's probably just waiting for me to say that All right, you need, this is your lesson.

Speaker 2:

I mean, I've got a lot of those lessons throughout my life where God's saying I just need to have you learn this and it would have been a lot better had I not had to go through so much pain. There are some of those moments in my life where I can look back and say that was a huge turning point. That moment was huge for me and my relationship to God. I thought I had a great relationship at that point, but after that it was so much different, so much different, and it was more about his will and not about what I thought was best.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's interesting because it's, you know, when you think about the faith of the great, of the mustard seed and moving mountains, it's almost like we feel like, well, if we just have enough faith, then this thing will happen. So what do I do to get more faith? How do I muster up that? You know that good old college try on the faith thing. And yet when it comes to trusting God, like you said, no matter what happens, I trust you and I submit to your will. That's a totally different kind of faith.

Speaker 2:

Oh, that was difficult. As much as I thought my faith was strong that that was a difficult, it was like I said, it was something I wouldn't allow myself. Well, I'd heard people saying that and I'd heard Ben talk that, but no, and this is different. This situation in my mind was different. I wouldn't accept that.

Speaker 1:

I've also heard like when someone's trying to positively think about something, not even with regards to faith, but just like positive, they think I won't even consider that other option, just shut the door on that thing. Nope, I'm only going to focus on this thing so that it will happen. And I think sometimes that comes into play with our thoughts about praying about an outcome. You know, we don't, we don't even want to think that maybe Sam won't be healed, because that's like a weakness, that's like not having faith to think that might happen.

Speaker 2:

That's exactly right. No, that's so true.

Speaker 1:

And what a humbling experience.

Speaker 2:

You know, here's active Sam, who I can remember. The year before some kid I know broke his thumb and he wasn't going to be able to play baseball that season I thought what a tragedy that poor kid you know not able to play baseball. This year, sam, he, they've told him no, no more contact sports now. No football, no basketball, no baseball. Well, that was Sam's life, though it was a change for all of us. We just thought in high school well, that's when sports really matter, right.

Speaker 3:

We used to go to our boys' games and just be like, oh my gosh, if they don't win this game it's the end of the world, and you know, you just get so intense. And but when you have a different perspective of, oh my gosh, my son just battled through cancer and it doesn't matter if he made a home run or if he got the third out or whatever, he's alive, and so it was just a whole new perspective for us.

Speaker 1:

Well, okay, shada, so let's hear, let's hear your story.

Speaker 3:

Well, we all talk a little bit about some of the tender mercies that happened during that. That just kind of helped us to make it through the day. And I think for me, when I get put in a situation that's hard, I just go into battle mode, I just fight. You know, what do I need to do? This is what I need to do and get through it, you know, with the help of God. And I don't really allow myself to process it until a little bit later on. And so that was kind of the mode that I was in is just get through this. And sometimes, when it would be too hard, then the Lord would give us a little tender mercy.

Speaker 3:

And one time I remember we had to go and get some blood work for Sam that we were down in the valley in Mesa and they needed blood work. We went into this crowded lab. There were so many people over. We knew we're going to have to wait forever to get called back. And this was actually our second time because they hadn't refrigerated it properly the first time. So we had to come back and oh, are you kidding me? And these weren't just little vials of blood that they were taking, they were like the little bottles. So we were waiting in this hot crowded room and we could hardly find two chairs that were sitting next to each other and just kind of both down. And this lady just walks in and she just sat down like right by Sam and she just started talking to him and just was how are you, what are you here for? And so he just kind of told her and she just kind of looked at him and she was just like I just want to tell you that I know that you're going to be okay.

Speaker 1:

Wow. And then she got up and left A little angel that came to the lab.

Speaker 3:

Yes, wasn't even getting any work done, apparently, or maybe she didn't want to wait that long, but it was just a little boost that we just knew that God was aware. Yeah, that was pretty incredible. And it was interesting because I got to talk to Sam about that was a tender mercy. That was a tender mercy. That's God Milling us that it'll be okay, yeah.

Speaker 3:

And then another time, after he was going through all of his radiation, he got really nauseated and couldn't keep a lot of food down, and so it was just kind of like Sam, what do you feel like today? I will drive 20 miles. Whatever you feel like you, you could eat. And then it was just like nothing sound, nothing, you know, and he was throwing up and all of that. And finally I said what sounds good to you?

Speaker 3:

And it got to the point where this was like towards the end of his last treatment and they told us if he loses any more weight, he's going to have to go back into the hospital. And we were living at my mother-in-law's and just going to his treatments, but we didn't want to go back into the hospital. He couldn't really keep much down and I think that day what sounded good to him was some corn on the cob, and he probably ate two bites of that and a little sip of the insure. And then he had to go back and get weighed to see if they had to take him in, and he had actually gained like a pound, and so that was just a huge blessing for us too. We're just so thankful that he didn't have to get admitted back into the hospital.

Speaker 2:

Right, but these were a couple that for Sam. I mean, those helped us, but those were huge. You can imagine Sam's thoughts along those lines, kind of like what's my life now? I'm sure he was expecting to go in there and say, all right, I'm sure I lost more weight after eating just a couple bites of corn, than going in there and saying, no, you actually gained weight, you're good, we'll keep you up.

Speaker 1:

Yes, Well, Charlotte. So tell me about your faith process. Have you had experiences from your past that have influenced you to help you to have faith through this experience?

Speaker 3:

I feel like, for me, the Lord. I've had a lot of intimate moments with him where I it's just been him, and I'm not one that Usually seeks out or or talks a lot, I just keep things in, and so I feel like for me, like with the Lord. He's a lot of times the only Person that I've had to rely on. It's just me and him, and not really shouting matches, but more of a crying matches have taken place in the shower and that's where I had it out with, with him and just cried and I just feel like my whole life he's just been the constant for me and who I can turn to and rely on, because that's all I've had.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that relationship with the Lord has been nurtured for both of you, you know, for so long, and To have known that you could always rely on him is such a beautiful Gift because you, you knew he was there for you in the past and you knew he was gonna be there for you again. You could look back and say, oh, he helped me through that thing. I know he'll help me through this thing, yeah. Yeah, like with your Dirk's job, did you feel like your, your faith was stretched then too?

Speaker 3:

Yes, I did and I and it was interesting I relied on God too. I feel like we relied on each other because I feel like you know, there would be different times where whether it was the job loss or Sam's cancer we've also had a couple of our kids struggle with mental illness and those were really really difficult times to navigate through. Just anything watching your child suffer is just to me one of the most, most devastating things that I can think of to go through on this on this earth. If he would be having a hard time then, then I would know okay, it's kind of my turn to be strong, but if I was having a hard time, then it would kind of be his turn to be strong, and I felt like we would kind of trade off that way. We relied on each other and also God, but it kind of balanced out that way, did right.

Speaker 3:

During that time I wrote a poem about Sam and what he went through it's called my brave one. It's from a mother's perspective of watching your child go through a hard thing and watching them suffer, and I honestly feel like for each one of my children. Even though I wrote that about Sam and his experience of going through cancer. Each one of my Kids I've been able to say it to them in the same way, but a different situation and the same meaning of you can get through this. I'm by your side, I'm here with you, and they all have had different Challenges and different trials that they've had to go through, but the words still apply to each of them.

Speaker 1:

Do you have a handy where you could read it to us?

Speaker 3:

I do Hopefully.

Speaker 1:

I won't cry. Okay, if you do, I am over here, all right so this is called my brave one.

Speaker 3:

We all fight different battles. My brave one, you'll find there are struggles of heart, of body and mind. My mother heart aches as I watch you suffer. I pray to God I may be your buffer no more. Listening to your heartbreaking cries, I take it all away faster than you can blink your eyes. There may be times when you want to give up to not have to drink from this bitter cup. You must fight hard. My brave one, I'll be by your side until we have won. Your illness does not define who you are. You are a bright and magnificent star, beautiful, brave, strong and loved more than you know. This trial will only help you to grow. We have a Heavenly Father who watched his son suffer too, and his son was brave, just like you.

Speaker 1:

Oh, Charlotte, that is so beautiful, oh my goodness. And then to give him strength for the future. Have you seen that that experience has given him strength for future trials that he's gone through?

Speaker 3:

Yes, he just continues to amaze me because not only did he have to go through that, but he went through having a premature baby that was born at 25 weeks, weight at one and a half pounds, oh, and had to have surgery when he was that little because he got a hole in his intestines and got Sceptic. And just having to go through all of that and watching him get through that trial with his son and His wife and I think he had some experience in in trials and he Knew that he could, you know, get through that- yeah, and it must have been interesting.

Speaker 1:

First he's the son in the trial, now he's the father in the trial, and so he probably could relate even more to you, both of you. You know through that experience now being the parent with his child suffering and Wow, that's so beautiful. You guys have always been so close, but did you feel like it strengthened your relationship between the two of you as well?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it strengthened our whole family, our immediate family. You know our kids but it brought aunts and uncles, grandma's and grandpa's all together as well to all pray and root and be supportive. So everyone goes through it. There's a lot of people involved, yeah, and yes it did. It most certainly helped our relationship and I've seen where Things like this can hurt relationships. I Can see where that can happen Most definitely. But I'm grateful that we didn't allow that to happen.

Speaker 2:

I get some of those guilty feelings at times because I do know people that have gone through similar things where they lost their child and you don't know what's going to happen when you're going through it. But should I say how lucky we were that Sam, he's graduating in a couple weeks, starting dental school this fall. He's married, has two kids. I mean, if you would have told me this when he was going through it, I wouldn't have worried at all. There still are things and and he will have to live with this for the rest of his life the worry of Cancer coming back or something like that.

Speaker 2:

But I sometimes get those guilty feelings because I know, maybe, people that are listening to this. Their outcomes were quite different and how did we get fortunate enough to continue to live with our son where many people don't right. And? And how would I have acted had the Lord taken him from us? Would my faith had been tried to a point where I would lose my faith? I'd hope not, but I don't know. Oh, it's a difficult. I have tremendous compassion when people go through something not not exactly the same, but similar.

Speaker 3:

It's almost like an instant connection that you have with people that have been through similar trials. It's just almost like you can feel it. You can feel their pain Because you know exactly what it feels like, and so I think that's kind of a benefit that you have from going through your trials is to be empathetic to others. It's just an instant bond that you have without saying anything.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I heard this quote one time that I thought was so profound, and it said that your suffering gives you X-ray vision into the suffering of others and, and I thought it's so true, my suffering has helped me to see things. And the other thing that I think is so interesting about suffering is you have so much to offer someone if they have cancer, if they have a child that is going through you know a situation, anything that somebody's going through. You have so much more to offer now than you did before.

Speaker 3:

Yes, and I think mostly what I've learned to offer is just love.

Speaker 1:

You even have a depth compassion. That is different and even in words that you could say, and even knowing not to say any words.

Speaker 3:

I don't say any words, I just hug them, and a lot of times not words, or a lot of times they just need someone to listen to them, right?

Speaker 1:

And you don't have to say anything, you just Feel it even to go to that person to be there to listen. I think your response time is probably quicker than somebody who hasn't been through that, because you do. You have a Depth of compassion and and so you're more effective instruments in the hands of the Lord because of what you've been through and You've always been amazing instruments of the Lord. Both of you and you've both been so unselfish and so Kind and so compassionate. You both have been so amazing, so it's hard to think that you could have even more, because I've always been so blessed by those gifts that you had in your love for, for me and our family. But To know that you have even more, and and to know that your children have learned some of the things and had their faith stretched at such young ages, I just think, wow, I went. Strong souls. I, the Lord, loves you all so much.

Speaker 3:

I think he loves you too.

Speaker 1:

He does. Thank you, he does. I do know that.

Speaker 3:

I love listening to your podcasts and am touched by everyone's stories and trials.

Speaker 1:

It's amazing how everybody has a story. I've always loved to hear people's stories, and so this is so special to have you guys be willing to share your stories, because I lived your story, that I saw through all those years and those hard things. I was such an awe of your strength. I was in awe of your faith and your resilience and you just kept holding onto that lifeline of the Lord. You're very good examples. Well, I love you both so much. Thank you for your faith, thank you for your love for the Lord, and thank you for sharing your love for the Lord with all of us so that we can be edified and we can hold on to your faith when we feel like ours is weak. Thank you, karen, love you, karen. Love you too. Bye.

Speaker 1:

Oh, I was just so amazed at Dirk and Charlotte and the transformation that they went through, striving to use every ounce of faith that they had and praying that the Lord would heal their son. It was interesting to me about their previous experiences of having prayers not be answered and how they had to trust in the Lord with their job situation and with their finances, and eventually they saw how the Lord had a plan for them and how he had guided them and led them to wonderful blessings in a new job that was better than Dirk could have ever imagined. It also helped them to understand that the Lord was aware of them, and this gave them strength when they then encountered a diagnosis of their son's childhood cancer. Takeaways from today include Dirk's anger and frustration towards God, which eventually led to a moment of surrender, accepting God's will and realizing that faith is not just about having the Lord answer your prayer in the way that you have prayed. It is about trusting in God's plan, not in our own.

Speaker 1:

Charlotte shares her perspective of relying on God and the tender mercies he sends to us to let us know that he is aware of us during difficult times, and how these intimate moments with the Lord are a source of strength and resilience. Charlotte and Dirk also shared about how their experiences of facing adversity strengthened their family bonds and allowed them to empathize with others who have gone through similar trials. Their faith continued to be a source of strength in their lives, and their suffering has given them a deeper understanding of others' pain, and they now have an even greater capacity to offer love and support to others. Dirk and Charlotte's experiences have also influenced their children's faith and resilience, which has helped them navigate their own trials. There's such a beautiful story of the power of faith and love and submitting to the Lord's will during times when we experience the unthinkable.

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Karen Hall

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