The Hero Within Karen Hall

Healing Hearts and Celebrating Life with Mary Taylor

• Mary Taylor • Season 1 • Episode 72

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Discover a tapestry of human experience as we share intimate conversations with Mary Taylor, the resilient president of Pro-Life Utah, on this episode of our podcast. Her personal odyssey from a pro-choice perspective to a staunch pro-life advocate following her own abortion, reveals the intricate complexities of unexpected pregnancy and the healing journey that ensues. Mary bravely opens up about the emotional turmoil and the misinformation that clouded her decisions, casting a light on the significance of support and accurate information for women in similar situations.

Embark on an exploration of the transformative effects of sharing deeply personal trauma and the courage it takes to use that vulnerability to advocate for change. This episode delves into the poignant outpouring of empathy Mary received upon revealing her past, and the way it ignited her passion to fight for others facing tough choices on their pregnancy journey. We celebrate the unexpected bliss of motherhood, as I recount the spiritual and personal growth I underwent through my own experience with pregnancy and parenting, shining a spotlight on the less discussed but deeply fulfilling aspects of this role.

Our discussion culminates in a heartfelt look at the array of emotions and outcomes for women who contemplate abortion. We touch on how the provision of compassionate support can transform a woman's perspective on her choices, with many finding unexpected joy in motherhood. Mary and I also discuss the healing embrace of faith and the promise of redemption in times of strife, offering a beacon of hope to those in need. Mary's devotion to her mission, illuminated by her personal narrative, underlines the profound influence these stories hold in the wider dialogue on life and choice. Join us for an episode that promises to bear witness to pain, healing, and the power of human resilience.

Speaker 1:

I remember looking into my daughter's eyes, still in the hospital, holding her, and it suddenly occurred to me that God had sent me this angel just to save my life, and I thought you know, there's nothing that I can teach her that's going to compare to what she will teach me. And it came to pass.

Speaker 2:

Hey there, welcome back. I'm Karen Hall, your host of the Hero Within podcast. I'm passionate about sharing inspiring true stories of unsung heroes who've overcome some of life's most challenging adversities. Come along with me and learn how you too can find hope and healing to return to love. In this deeply touching episode, we hear from Mary Taylor, who reveals her transformation and awakening after her unexpected pregnancy, which led her down a path filled with heartache and revelations. Her candid account of the emotional turmoil following the end of her pregnancy paints a vivid picture of the struggle many face in silence.

Speaker 2:

This episode may be triggering to some, but is offered with no judgment, only love and compassion. As we delve into these complex decisions, we acknowledge that there may be extenuating circumstances and the decision is a personal one. Mary also celebrate the untold joys of motherhood and Mary's healing journey. Mary dedicates her life to offering a helping hand to pregnant women, as well as unique support to those wrestling with the aftermath of ending their pregnancy. Mary is a beacon of hope and support to all women, no matter what their decisions.

Speaker 2:

And now let's hear from Mary Taylor. I'm so happy to welcome Mary Taylor. She is the president of Pro-Life Utah and she reached out to me, because they're having an event coming up for March, and so I thought that it would be really interesting to hear Mary's story about her life and about what brought her to this point. And then the trauma, because so many of my listeners are dealing with trauma and trying to navigate how to deal with trauma, and I haven't experienced abortion myself, but I do know some people that have experienced it and it was very traumatic for them, and every person said to me I had no idea that it would be this traumatic. And so, mary, if you could just tell us a little bit more about you.

Speaker 1:

You bet. Let me do a plug for that March really quick. We would love for you to join us on the steps of the state capital on January 20th at 11 am. It's a family friendly event. It's going to be a lot of fun and would invite you to join us.

Speaker 1:

How did I get into this work? It was a very unlikely path that brought me here. I started out very adamantly pro-choice. You know my body, my choice, a woman's right to choose. That all resonated with me as a young woman, and it still does. It still does.

Speaker 1:

But when I found myself with an unplanned pregnancy, there was this little voice in the back of my head. I could hear my pro-life friends and their stories and it started to haunt me and I thought, oh my gosh, if they're right, I can't have an abortion. So I took myself, with the wisdom of a 19 year old, into an abortion clinic to ask them about the truth of abortion, and they told me I had nothing more than a benign clump of cells the size of a pencil point. I was, in fact, 11 weeks pregnant and my little baby had a heartbeat and brainwaves and little fingers and toes, complete with fingernails and toenails and fingerprints. All of his organs were in place.

Speaker 1:

I had no idea. But I said well, you know, I feel good about what you told me, but I'd like to go home and think about it. And boy, the pressure came. If you don't do it today, the abortion will double in price. The risk to your life will increase. It's just so important you do it today. And I was scared and I was alone and I succumbed to the pressure and I did. I immediately knew something was very wrong. I had no idea what, but my heart was broken and it took a long, long time for that to have any kind of healing. In the meantime, I went on with my life.

Speaker 2:

So it probably was something that you kind of compartmentalized somewhat.

Speaker 1:

Oh, yes, most definitely. I didn't tell anybody, I didn't talk about it. Little things would bring it to the forefront of my mind. A friend having a baby, things like a miscarriage, things like that would really bring it up for me again, but for the most part I really stuffed it back in the far recesses of my mind.

Speaker 1:

So when I was pregnant with my daughter, I was so excited and we had these wonderful color illustrated books that showed the development of your baby as you went along and I was reading every single week, every stage that I was at. I was so excited and at 11 weeks I started reading about that development and it just suddenly hit me that is the point of which I had aborted my baby and I was devastated. I was crushed. I felt like a ton of rocks just dropped on me. I couldn't understand why, would somebody tell me this baby was a clump of cells the size of a pencil point, and that racked my mind for years to come. So I spent a lot of time struggling with what had happened and why it had happened.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I think a lot of times for most of the people that I know that have gone through this, they were so young and so impressionable and they were very vulnerable. They were very alone and they're trying to make this decision with very little medical knowledge and very little knowledge of what it's like to go through it and afterward. And so I think that that really puts a woman in a vulnerable position.

Speaker 1:

Most definitely.

Speaker 2:

I mean, we're told to shop around and get second opinions and different things, and yet in this situation, I don't feel like that is often the case for a young, any woman, but especially, you know, young women that are just so alone, and it is something that most people don't want to talk about beforehand or after.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you know what was shocking to me, because I didn't begin my pro-life advocacy for many years. This was just a deep, dark secret, a heartache within. I had assumed this was unique to me, that I was the only one that had been told such an erroneous story, you know. And so when I found out that I was not the only one and it was still going on almost well, it was 35 years later. At the time, I was shocked. I just was shocked, and beyond my understanding. To this day, it's beyond my understanding.

Speaker 2:

Right. And when we go through trauma, and especially when we have shame around it and we don't talk about it, we do think that we're the only one that had this experience. And then we even go further to think I'm the only one that feels this way, and so that just exacerbates that lonely feeling and that adds to the shame to be so alone and to think you're the only one that has gone through this oh, most definitely, most definitely.

Speaker 2:

And, yeah, a lot of our listeners are dealing with trauma of all different kinds, not specifically, you know, this kind of trauma. But what I find interesting with trauma is that we go through the grieving process and we experience so many of the same emotions, even though our situation that causes the grief is so different. And so I wonder if you could talk about your grieving process and what your experience was like, how that was for you.

Speaker 1:

If I wasn't broken before now, I would begin to cry in the morning and I would go to bed at night with tears still streaming down my cheeks. I remember laying on the bathroom floor sobbing and seeing no reason in the world for me to ever get up again. It was enormous, it really was enormous. And then one day I could almost hear God say don't just lay there on the floor crying, get up and do something about it. No idea what to do. But coincidentally I on Facebook, saw a post for a protest against Planned Parenthood over these undercover videos that were coming out back then and I thought well, the very least I can go to a protest. That's not something I'd ever done before. I left the house on trembling legs and I sit a prayer on my way out the door and I just ask God, you know, use me however you can. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fight this, so be with me today. And the one thing I promised him at that point was I don't know what to do, but I'll show up. If you'll just show me what to do, I'll show up. And I stuck with that. I'll show up. Through what? In fact? Still today. There's times I don't want to get up and go do some of pro-life business, but I remind myself. I have a promise to show up and I do so.

Speaker 1:

I showed up at that protest and I showed up at a whole lot of other ones and I started recognizing people and we got you know conversations going and one day, on the steps of the state capital, we talked about our different backgrounds. There was a Catholic man and an LDS man and just a lot of different backgrounds and we thought, you know, as we compared notes, we decided all of these differences we might have. The one thing we know for sure is that unborn babies should be protected. And we started out just a band of protesters having monthly meetings at a library meeting room and it grew from there and I just kept showing up and God just kept blessing us and today we have a very respectable little organization. We saved 70 babies from abortion last year.

Speaker 2:

Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 1:

Our numbers are exploding this year. It has been very fulfilling, it has been very healing, it has been my psychotherapy. I guess the moral of the story is no matter what, god can use that for something good, and he has. And there'll always be that pain in my heart knowing that there should be one more seat at my Thanksgiving dinner table, right, I should have more grandchildren than I have, et cetera, et cetera. But I'm able to get up in the morning, I'm able to get off the floor. Now.

Speaker 2:

Well, and we all do the very best we can. At those moments and when we go through very hard things, it's easy to look back with the knowledge that we have now and judge ourselves as if we were back then. But we do the very best that we can and think, heavens, that the Lord can turn things around for our good. And it's a beautiful thing that you felt him empower you at that moment to get up and to not succumb to that grief, because it could be so easy to do that. I've succumbed to grief at times, sometimes for a long time. That was so empowering for you to get that message to do something, to get up and do something. And now you're finding ways to not only protect those unborn babies but protect those women.

Speaker 1:

And I think about the way we save those babies is by helping their mamas. I was backed into a corner back then. I understand how scared and alone a woman can be, and it's really amazing what a little tiny bit of help will turn a woman's thinking around. Little bit of financial help, a friend that she can call night or day. It is helping the moms, and in addition to helping the moms that are considering abortion now we also have an abortion healing support group. I understand the pain that a woman goes through with this realization, and so we address that as well.

Speaker 2:

Oh, my goodness, that's beautiful, because most people like we were talking about, they don't have someone to talk to and they don't want to talk about it and they don't know that anybody would really be able to understand, and so to find a group and to find you and to be able to talk to you about my grieving, if I were in that situation, would be so incredibly healing.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, most definitely yes.

Speaker 2:

So what other things helped you to move through that grieving process when you were grieving?

Speaker 1:

Yeah. So you know, I think one of the first things I overcame was that I had kept this a secret for so long. So as I stood there on the steps of the state capital, with all of these wonderful people who were willing to put their time and their money into this effort and you know, from the outside looking in, I thought they had no connection to this issue, they were just good people. And then there was me. Right, that's how I felt. And then there was me and I thought to myself you know, if I'm going to work this closely with these people, they have to know what I did.

Speaker 1:

And I remember the drive to the meeting where I disclosed this and I was so nervous, there was a pit or a knot in my stomach and I just did not want to do this, but I knew I had to. And so in this meeting I told my story and these two wonderful men started to cry and they wrapped their arms around me and it was the most healing thing ever and that gave me the strength to tell a few other people, and I was met with nothing but compassion and love. Then it was time to tell my family, and that was even worse for me. But again I was met with nothing but compassion and love.

Speaker 2:

How wonderful, how amazing. I mean, because with that fear that had kept you captive in some ways for so long, and by not talking about it, then it was more difficult to move forward in the healing process, and so how courageous of you to be able to share I mean in that meeting, and then with your family like you said, that would be even harder and yet to be met with so much love and compassion. So beautiful.

Speaker 1:

You know, I would tell my story in front of legislators, and that was terrifying. I was not a speaker, I had never done any kind of speaking and so, but I knew I had to do this, and so I named my unborn baby. I named him TJ, and so I would write the initials TJ on my hand, and when I got too nervous to speak, I would look at my hand and remind myself why I was doing what I was doing. Wow.

Speaker 2:

Wow, that is beautiful to. I mean because he is a real person. Yes he is. He is a real person and he's still part of your life. He is the other thing that I understand about you and we haven't discussed this but you have so much compassion for women who are thinking about abortion and if they do decide to go ahead with that, that you don't shame you know women?

Speaker 1:

Oh no, no, absolutely. How could I right, how could I?

Speaker 2:

But that's not always the case. You know, that's such an amazing thing that you are supportive of women, no matter what they decide to do.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you know, in the work that we do, we hear so many stories and see so many very, very difficult situations. It's almost impossible to not have compassion.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so if I was, if I was coming to you and I was trying to decide, you know what to do. What are some of the things that you would sit down and talk with me about?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, well, I think I would talk to you about how that particular circumstance in your life, you know, at 19, you've got all these obstacles and they seem permanent. You can't see past them right, and they will all be memories, distant memories, and you will move on into a different place. But but your baby, the choice to choose life for your baby or not, that's a permanent decision. That one is a permanent decision and so I would talk to you about that. I would talk to you about the grief. I would talk to you about the options, because there's a lot of options for women.

Speaker 1:

If you're not ready to parent a child, you know there's no more loving thing in the world than to choose other parents for that child. So there's always another option and you're not alone. I'm here for you. You can call me night or day. I'm here for you to. We can help you financially, we can help you get resources. We can help you make that decision. You don't have to make that decision today. You know this is, this is too important to make that decision today.

Speaker 2:

Let's just take a breather and and and think about that, and and you know, just knowing that I wasn't alone and that you know with me, because financially, how am I going to pay for medical care? How am I going to manage all these different things. And to know I could, I could reach out to you. It could be an obstacle that just seems insurmountable, but if I had someone like you that was holding my hand and and that cared about me, what a difference that would make to empower me to get off the floor. You know, to have somebody like me, yeah.

Speaker 1:

That is the amazing thing in in our organization is our advocates really do care about the women, that that they're working with my first baby save he just turned seven years old. I went to his seventh birthday party. He calls me grandma, and so you know we're still connected up. A lot of the moms that we work with will have some sort of connection too for a while, because those bonds are. They stem from true compassion and caring, they really do become an intimate bond.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I would feel that way. I would feel like to have you as my advocate and to help me. There would be like almost a divine connection.

Speaker 1:

There is, there is.

Speaker 2:

And and the other thing that I think is so interesting about about this whole conversation is, before I got pregnant, I had heard only horror stories. These were from women who wanted to be mothers that had babies. They would say, oh my gosh, your life is going to be over. It's going to be so terrible, you're never going to sleep. They would talk about how it was going to be so much stress on my marriage. Blah, blah, blah, blah. I mean I just heard so much negativity. I live in a world surrounded by women who value being a mother and who value children. It was really daunting for me.

Speaker 1:

I think women do that. I think it's like they have to one up each other with the horror story.

Speaker 2:

As soon as I got pregnant. Then it was the horror stories about labor and delivery.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it was just took a lot of courage for me to choose to get pregnant. Yet when I did, it was such a spiritual experience for me. Anyway, I went through the pregnancy and when I had my first baby, I had no idea of the feelings that I would experience as a mother, holding this new baby straight from heaven to hold this child. Then I remember, as my baby grew and developed, a thing that shocked me was how much she adored me. I mean, her little eyes would follow me wherever I went.

Speaker 2:

No one had ever told me about the joy of being a mother, which I found just so surprising. As my children grew, I would tell them that story and I would tell them how much joy they brought to me To think that I could have missed that just because I might have put off pregnancy until I was too old or something. I mean there could have been reasons that I could have missed that joy in my life. The other thing that I tell my children is that I never knew the joy to that level. No one had told me that either, that the joy would be so huge and so sweet. I'm so grateful for the privilege to be a mother.

Speaker 1:

I totally understand that. I remember looking into my daughter's eyes, still in the hospital, holding her. It suddenly occurred to me that God had sent me this angel just to save my life. I looked into her eyes and I thought you know, there's nothing that I can teach her that's going to compare to what she will teach me. It came to pass.

Speaker 2:

Me too. Me too, I tell my kids that all the time. The other thing that was so interesting for me personally was I wanted so much to be such a good mother and I worked so hard. I don't think I would have had that same motivation. I'm so much better because I'm a mother than I was before. Just developing compassion and serving and sacrificing for another person changed me. It just totally changed me.

Speaker 1:

I agree, I know just what you mean.

Speaker 2:

How old is your daughter now?

Speaker 1:

My daughter is 38. I just have the one daughter and two grandchildren. They are all the light of my life, my absolute joy.

Speaker 2:

Is that little baby behind you with the dark carousel? Your grandson?

Speaker 1:

That is my first baby save.

Speaker 2:

This one right here. I wondered if that might be your first baby save.

Speaker 1:

That's Charlie, my first baby save. He's seven now. Let me show you he's adorable Baby.

Speaker 2:

Oh my goodness, he's the cutest baby.

Speaker 1:

So look at this one. This is him, now he's seven, and this is his baby sister. I'm quite sure that this baby sister would have never been born had we not intervened with Charlie, because the world had so convinced their mother that her disability made her ineligible to be a mom.

Speaker 2:

Oh, my goodness. Oh my goodness, I mean just seeing the picture of him in the back. He just looks like a little joyful little creature.

Speaker 1:

And he is. He's the most joyful little boy. Just love him to pieces.

Speaker 2:

Oh, that's so wonderful. So I think that a lot of times when we are thinking about motherhood and we hear these horror stories, we don't hear the other side about the joy that can come to us and sometimes we don't realize what we're missing in those moments.

Speaker 1:

It's not something I've ever given a lot of thought to, but that really may be a key component. We're not, we're not telling young women and girls how special that experience is. We're just not.

Speaker 2:

It's such a miracle to be able to carry a baby and to be able to even conceive and then to be able to deliver a baby and to be able to take care of that baby, and so I'm just so proud of you for the things that you're doing, to Thank you, to empower women and to educate women and to support them, no matter what their choice is and what they decide to do, but to help them make an educated choice, because that is such a crucial part of such an important decision.

Speaker 1:

Along those lines. Of all the women that we have helped now over the years, I don't know of a single one who regrets the decision to bring that baby into the world, and we like to present all of the options. We don't have a huge adoption percentage and it's because once that woman realizes the humanity of that baby and connects to that baby, then, boy, she's all up for solving problems, not placing the baby for adoption, right. So I think that the moms we work with would agree with you 100% that they had no idea just how much joy that baby was going to bring to them.

Speaker 2:

That is so shocking. I would think that the women that were coming to you that decided not to have an abortion would choose. I would think you would have a very high percentage of adoptions.

Speaker 1:

No, we do not. Just the opposite. You know, most women who are going into an abortion clinic feel that is their only choice. They don't feel like it's this smorgasbord of choices they just chose from. They feel like they're backed into it, and it's generally a financial reason. Sometimes it's a boyfriend a myriad of little problems in their life that seems so overwhelming to them at the time. But yeah, once we get the problems under control, the vast majority of the women that we work with want to just hold their baby and love their baby and be a mom.

Speaker 2:

That is so beautiful. It's just that's so beautiful. That just really touches my heart to think about that.

Speaker 1:

The one thing I can guarantee she'll never be down on that bathroom floor the way I was.

Speaker 2:

She will never regret that decision the way I did, yeah yeah, and so can you tell me just a little bit more about a support group for women that have gone through abortions?

Speaker 1:

Yes, it's called Utah Abortion Healing. You can get a link on our website, prolifeutahorg. We have a wonderful lady that heads up that program who is also post-abortive. This lady has had an abortion, put a place to baby for adoption and then had children of her own later in life. So she knows it all. She's compassionate and wonderful and sweet and it's a support group. So generally there are several women who are facing the same grief with their abortions and I think that is so powerful to be able to talk to somebody who really understands. We will not allow anybody to run our groups who is not post-abortive, because it's so important that you're not just superficially understand, but you really really at a gut level understand what she is going through.

Speaker 2:

You understand, you truly understand.

Speaker 1:

Right, I mean. That alone is a huge thing to realize you're not the only one.

Speaker 2:

Right, right. The other thing that just really touches my heart, that I sense from you, is your lack of judgment, and in that situation I would be so grateful to know that you didn't judge me.

Speaker 1:

As I said, I certainly am the last one on the planet that could judge that decision, but our entire organization is built on that. There is no judgment. The pro-life community in general. We realize that it is society that has built this mess for women and put you in an impossible position by not having answers.

Speaker 2:

And anytime there is shame surrounding something and it's silence, then we don't get the education, we don't get the knowledge. It's a beautiful thing that you're enlightening so many people, not just people that are making that decision, but that's the most important person that you're enlightening, so that that woman does have truly an educated choice and that she does see both sides of the picture and then she can choose what she feels is best for her, which and I'm so grateful that you love her no matter what, and that is just the most beautiful thing about your story is that you love her no matter what. How wonderful to know that you still have open arms for her and you still welcome her to process and that you're still there for her. We do indeed. Oh, my goodness, that is so unusual, so unusual. It just your story is amazing and you're amazing, and no, thank you thank you.

Speaker 1:

You know it's really not my story so much as it is a story of what God can do with some of the darkest things that you have done or the darkest places in your life.

Speaker 2:

I love that because I totally agree with you, and I do love how the Lord can take any difficult thing and turn it to good, and how he does shine light in those dark moments and he's the one with open arms, always there, no matter what. I appreciate that so much because so many times when I imagine the Lord, I think of him with his arms open, you know, and I think of him reaching to me.

Speaker 2:

But I have to reach back and it also reminds me of that picture with the savior knocking on the door and we had the handle on our side. He's always knocking, he's always there, but we do have to take a step to welcome him in, and so what a beautiful thing that you did do that and that you did respond to his calling to you and you reached back to him. And then you reached back out to other women to offer that same love that he offered to you to offer to them. That's just so beautiful.

Speaker 1:

Well, thank you, thank you. It's been my blessing, it's been my healing and my blessing without it's such a beautiful ripple that comes back to you.

Speaker 2:

That red that you cast on the water comes back to you and that's just like you mentioned. That's so healing. What's the best way to connect with you?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, we're on all the social media Facebook, instagram, twitter. Our website is prolifeutahorg. My phone number's on there. You can give me a call. If you know a woman who's struggling with this decision, reach out to us. Let us offer her some help. If you're struggling with the past decision, reach out to us. There's no reason for you to continue the rest of your life with that heartache. If you'd like to help us help women, there's a donate button on our website.

Speaker 2:

So I'm from Arizona, and is this something that statewide, like? Do all states have this? And I don't even know if this is international too?

Speaker 1:

This is a grassroots thing here in Utah prolife Utah. It is unique to Utah. Every time I think for a minute that maybe I could retire the wheels just keep turning faster. So it is a calling. It is a calling.

Speaker 2:

And what a willing vessel you are. So thank you for sharing your compassion and your lack of judgment and your support and your love and your willingness to share your story, because I'm sure that you are going to touch many, many lives. Thank you for asking me to be on the podcast so that your story could be heard.

Speaker 1:

Oh, thank you. Thank you for taking time for this issue. It's so important that people understand it and you can help the women in your life, right? I mean, all of us know somebody that needs a hand in this situation. That compassion is really, really important.

Speaker 2:

Right, I just appreciate so much that you do appreciate the humanity and you do appreciate the pain that a person does live with and that your goal is to alleviate that suffering. So it's a beautiful thing that you're doing.

Speaker 1:

Well, thank you so much, Thank you.

Speaker 2:

Thank you for being with us today.

Speaker 1:

Very good and come to the march, yes.

Speaker 2:

I hope I can Well. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for sharing your story with me. Thank you really.

Speaker 1:

Oh and anytime. Thank you so much for taking the time to hear it.

Speaker 2:

And you are beautiful. I just have to tell you how beautiful you are.

Speaker 1:

Well, likewise, my goodness, you are absolutely gorgeous. All right, have a great day. Thank you, karen, you too. Thank you. Bye-bye.

Speaker 2:

Mary Taylor has served as president of ProLife Utah for over seven years, initially being a firm believer in pro-choice and later driven by her own heartache and regret of her own abortion over 40 years ago. Mary's mission is to educate and empower women facing unplanned pregnancies. She loves to spend time with her family, including her husband John, and feels so blessed. They have one beautiful daughter, a son-in-law and two grandchildren. Thanks for listening. I know you're busy. Did you know that you helped spread the love by leaving your review and following? This helps increase our visibility so people can find us online. I really appreciate your help. I'm wishing you lots of love in your own hero's journey.

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Karen Hall

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