From Bullied to Bestselling Author with Dan Armstrong

In this powerful and inspiring episode of The Hero Within Podcast, host Karen Hall sits down with bestselling author Dan Armstrong for a heartfelt conversation about surviving bullying, overcoming adversity, the power of gratitude, and the profound impact of a mother's love.

Dan shares his remarkable journey from a child struggling with a speech impediment from his cleft palate and facing relentless bullying to becoming a multi-bestselling, successful author, speaker, and inspiration to many. With raw honesty and touching vulnerability, he recounts the challenges he faced, the incredible story of Dan's mother's influence in his life in addition to her acts of kindness to a homeless women, and the pivotal moments that shaped his life.

Whether you're facing your own challenges, seeking inspiration, or simply love a good story of triumph over adversity, this episode is a must-listen. Dan Armstrong's journey reminds us all of the hero within each of us, waiting to emerge.

Karen Hall
Karen Hall is an international motivational speaker, Co-Producer of Events, Trainer, and Managing Director of The Los Angeles Tribune Women's and Spanish Journals. Trained by Marianne Williamson as a spiritual life coach, she hosts The Hero Within Podcast™, featuring inspiring stories of unsung heroes™ who use emotional intelligence to overcome adversity, find hope, build trust and return to love. Married for 39 years to Joshua, they have 4 married children and 5 grandchildren.

Connect with Karen:
https://linktr.ee/theherowithinpodcast
https://www.linkedin.com/in/karen-hal...

Dan Armstrong
Dan is a multiple best selling author. Born with a cleft palate and unable to communicate as a child, Dan dove into reading and writing until his confidence brought him to the stage. From school plays, a professional singer in a Christian rock band, to his own one-minute radio spot of 1000 episodes, Dan overcame the challenges of having a birth defect and shares his stories to inspire many audiences. He lives in Pennsylvania and continues to write fiction and non-fiction as well.

Connect with Dan:
https://danarmstrong.us
  / dan.armstrong.5076   

Chapters

• 0:02 Finding Healing Through Adversity
• 15:45 The Journey to Authorship
• 28:54 Journey to Confidence Through Challenges
• 33:27 Gratitude and Mentorship
• 46:20 A Mother's Compassion and Generosity

Transcript

karen: 0:02

Hey there, welcome back. I'm Karen Hall, your host of the Hero Within Podcast. I'm passionate about sharing inspiring true stories of unsung heroes who've overcome some of life's most challenging adversities. Come along with me and learn how you too can find hope and healing to return to love. Oh my goodness. Well, this is so fun to finally get to connect with you and get to hear your story and I feel like we're commenting buddies, but all the tribune of them and I just yeah, for sure.

karen: 0:38

Yes, and when you told your story about the cable guy and the change in your perspective, oh, you got me right then and I was like you're my kind of person, I got to connect with you.

Dan armstrong: 0:50

Awesome.

karen: 0:53

Well, if you don't mind, if introducing yourself and telling our audience a little bit about you, oh, we're live now. Oh, we're live. Yes, well, we're not live, but we're recording.

Dan armstrong: 1:08

I thought this was all introduction.

karen: 1:09

I mean we're live. Yes, we are. Well, we're not live, but we're recording. I thought this was all introduction.

Dan armstrong: 1:12

I mean we were just yeah, I just turn it on and let it go, and whatever we do, oh wonderful. Well, my name is Dan Armstrong and of course I was born a very long time ago and I was born with a cleft palate, so I was not able to nurse. My mom and dad had to feed me differently, which, ironically, my fourth daughter also was born with a cleft palate, and we had to feed her with a syringe on our finger and tape it on there and squeeze the bottle to feed her. But her operation could fix her. Well, 60 years ago that wasn't something that could be fixed all the time, so I couldn't be fixed.

Dan armstrong: 1:54

So I grew up with a definite speech defect and it wasn't until I was about five or six where I was fitted with a prosthesis that would plug the hole in the back of the roof of the mouth and of course it clamps and it would help me enunciate. But it took a lot of speech classes and a lot of really traumatic experiences in my childhood of being bullied, made fun of. And there's one story in particular I've told, and I was a. I think I was in second grade and I was on the playground watching a kickball game going on and I had my fingers on the backstop, through the fence, the metal fence, and watching, and I didn't hear these kids coming up behind me and they were third graders, a little bigger than me, and they grabbed me and they threw me down to the ground and I rolled through the dust and they held me down and, unbeknownst to them or maybe they tried it but I landed on an anthill. So I'm landing. I landed on this anthill and they're holding me down and they're saying spell your name. And they're mocking me and all this air is coming through my nose. So my last name is Armstrong, so I say A-R-M-F-T-R. I couldn't pronounce anything, even with their prosthesis, so they were laughing and spitting on me and meanwhile all these ants were coming out and they were crawling up my shirt and they were biting me, so they were creating injuries to my body.

Dan armstrong: 3:49

So eventually a school teacher saw what was going on and said break it up. And I got up and I felt all these ant bites, hundreds of them, and I'm brushing myself off and I'm screaming and I'm crying and I run to her side thinking I was going to get some consolation. But instead she said what's wrong with you? Are you stupid, oh, and it was devastating. Now, at the time I just curled up in a ball. I didn't eight, nine years old. I didn't know what to do.

Dan armstrong: 4:25

They called my mother. She came in and got me. She took me home and she put me in a bath of Epsom salt to heal the wounds. And as she was rubbing my back and I was crying, why do they have to be so mean? Why do people make fun of me? And she said, danny, someday this will be a gift for you, or something to that nature.

Dan armstrong: 4:51

And I have to be honest, I don't know if I would be who I am without that speech impediment, without that birth defect, without the fights and the things that I had to go through. I don't know where I would be without that. I think it was a gift. It was a gift for me to work through, to find my voice, so to speak, because I couldn't speak. I read an awful lot when I was growing up. There was something called the SRA reading program in elementary schools where you could, after you were done with the class, you could go back to the back of the room and there was these folders and you could read a story and then complete the quizzes and put it back, and every year I was the number one SRA reader of the year, but I still couldn't. I wasn't confident in speaking. So you can interrupt me at any time if you like.

karen: 5:51

I just I do want to interrupt you for just a second. So what is so amazing was that your mom gave you that nugget right then.

Dan armstrong: 5:59

Yeah.

karen: 6:00

And I, when I first heard you speak, I sensed that deep empathy from you. I sensed how much you cared about people and as I've gotten to know you more and more, it's just so clear how much. And that comes through now in your writing and in your speaking. But it came, yes, I believe that it did come from those very painful early experiences and really feeling unsupported and feeling so alone in many painful situations. I'm sure there were plenty of those.

Dan armstrong: 6:33

Oh, many more yeah.

karen: 6:35

But to have your mother give you that moment of comfort and really a bit of hope. There was a little light in the tunnel. I mean it's hard to see how in the world could this possibly be a gift when you're in the trenches, but there was. There must've been a little light that you hung on to.

Dan armstrong: 6:55

There must there had to be, otherwise I would have become. I mean, I was a very angry child. I was sick a lot and ear infections and things like that was all part of the body. So it wasn't uncommon for me to try to fight back. When you're sitting on a school bus and the guy sits behind you and he just for no reason just wraps his fingers on your head and you're like why? And he just for no reason just wraps his fingers on your head and you're like why? And then start laughing at the guy, thinking that'll make him stop.

Dan armstrong: 7:27

But that made him worse until one day I stood up and swung around and punched the guy in the face and realized that if I continue this path of first of all not defending myself but also being angry, I'm going to hurt somebody. And I almost did. I really almost did when I was about 12. It was a bad situation where I could have killed a kid and almost broke his neck, and it was all because of anger and digging deep into books Cyclopedia, brown books such a great series of books to help me escape the world of brutality and understanding that you could solve things if you step back and just kind of look at your purpose, and it takes a lot of time.

karen: 8:20

And healing that wound. Can you tell us about that process, of how you healed those wounds?

Dan armstrong: 8:26

Well, I mean, some of it came down to a spiritual experience with my parents. I mean asking them to help me because I mean I was brought up in a church that was very judgmental and very caustic I would say cultic and very caustic, I would say cultic and knowing that the path I was on was probably going to lead me to eternal damnation. So I remember going to my parents and saying I need help and instead of condemning me for the actions that I'd taken in almost killing this kid and also just some of the things I was, I was getting into some thievery and explaining to them at 13 years old they prayed for me and a release came over me, the spiritual washing that I was loved, despite any of my faults, my guilts, my shames, despite any of my faults, my guilts, my shames, that I was loved and it was an even greater love than my mother and father has shown me. And I can't say that I've always experienced that love through my life, but I can say I remember that that night and ironically, it was not a month or two later that I was hit by a car and had the first concussion in my life and when I got on the hood of the car. By being hit on the hood of the car, my legs fell underneath between the two front and the back tires and the car ran over my legs and I got up and I ran across the street.

Dan armstrong: 10:02

I was with a friend of mine and I was like what happened? He says you just got run over by a car and I didn't know who I was. I didn't know my name, I didn't know where I live. My buddy was starting to cry. He was 13. He was starting to cry because he saw his buddy, who didn't even answer questions like what's your name? I don't know. What's your last name, I don't know. Like, what's your name? I don't know. What's your last name, I don't know.

Dan armstrong: 10:29

But in that moment I knew I was still safe. It was like the spiritual experience. I knew I was safe, no matter if I didn't know who I was. I knew that God knew who I was and that was okay. So I didn't panic. So that was a really cool experience. I haven't thought about too much, but it occurred to me the other day when I was thinking back on that, how intensely when we experience the spiritual life, how much that can affect the physical life and how we interact with people in a loving way, judgmental way, forgiving way, graceful way. So that was part of my healing. To answer the question Right.

karen: 11:11

I can see how. Knowing that you were loved and then feeling it again, that you were kind of cradled and that God knew you and that you were still alive after being run over by God, pretty miraculous, that reassurance, that spiritual reassurance. It's that peace, that passeth, understanding that is very difficult to describe and to articulate, but thank you for sharing that with us. What a special experience.

Dan armstrong: 11:39

Go ahead, go ahead. Part of the healing experience was when, after was age 13 I was I started to write songs. Still couldn't speak well, but I could write songs and I wouldn't sing them but to my family and but mom and dad always more of my mom than dad would encourage me to get involved in things. And I got into school plays and was in my first school play in eighth grade, got the lead role, had to sing. So I sang and I did. Okay, I wish I could hear that voice because I'm sure it was pretty bad. But through my high school years I began to get more involved in public speaking in plays. Now they weren't my words, they were someone else's words, but I could slow down and learn the words and enunciate as I go. So it actually was speech therapy to get involved in school plays and put myself out there, because it wasn't me on the stage, it was a character. Right was in the background taking a break. And then after high school, I was asked to be in a band and we actually did very well. I sang a couple of the lead songs. One of the songs is still played today. I put it on Facebook the other day, saturday morning cartoons and so with that. So with that singing and then performing put me out on stages all over the country and even up in Canada we did concerts and I found myself really enjoying the stage much more than ever before, because now it was me and I was sharing short stories between the songs, expressing what it meant to overcome something. And I came up with an acronym not back then, but I came up with it later and the acronym is STOP, s-t-o-p. See, we all have a struggle, but we can find a strength from it. The T is tragedy. We all have tragedies, but we can find a strength from it. The T is tragedy, we all have tragedies, but we can find a triumph from it. Then the O is obstacles, but if we look for a way, we will become an overcomer. And the P is pain, and because of our pain there can be a promise, a passion, a purpose, a project, something that can pivot us to move in the direction of our dreams. Interestingly enough, after the band broke up, five years later, I got married.

Dan armstrong: 14:44

About a year after the band broke up, I got a call from a station manager named Fred McNaughton, wjtl, in Lancaster, pennsylvania, and he said Dan, I always loved your little stories on stage. You had these little nuggets of wisdom and truth. Would you be interested in maybe doing maybe five or 10 little one-minute spots on our radio program? And I said, yeah, I could do that. So I wrote like five or 10 of them, went in, recorded it and I thought that was it.

Dan armstrong: 15:16

Well, apparently they got a lot of audience reaction. They love response. They loved it. And he called me up after the it was one every day, monday through Friday, 8.20, right after the weather and he said, dan, we're getting a lot of positive response from your wacky words of Dan Armstrong. Would you be interested in doing maybe a month's worth, like 20 of them? And I was like, oh my, I don't know if I can write 20 of them, but sure I'll try. But keep in mind being born with a speech impediment, and now I'm not just singing, I'm not playing the act in a school play, I'm not just singing songs that someone else wrote. Now I'm writing things from here and I'm speaking them from here and I'm speaking them. Yeah, well, long story short, I did over 1,000 one-minute radio spots called the Wacky Words of Dan Armstrong on that radio program.

Dan armstrong: 16:14

Wow, and yeah, I'm just like how is this possible? Where did this come from? But if I can continue, or you have a question, because I could go on- no, keep going.

karen: 16:26

I want to hear more.

Dan armstrong: 16:29

So, of course, I get a job and I'm working as a cable installer and I'm starting to learn the day-to-day activities of relating to people and understanding people. And, of course, I can relate to people because I've learned that I can't judge people right away. People walk in people's homes right away. They smell something or they see something and they judge them and they build a picture in their mind of who they are and really it's not fair. So I started learning how to relate things and I would come home and I'd tell these stories to my wife or to my friends and they said, man, you got to start writing this stuff down. I mean this crazy little stories that people that you meet. And that's when I wrote my first book, the Adventures of a Real Life, Cable Guy, and I wrote it in 2011 and I handed it over to an editor and my computer crashed, so she had the only copy of it. So I went back to her it was about three months into editing and I said, hey, can I get a copy of that? She goes. I have some bad news. What's that? She goes, I lost it. Lost it. Talk about STOP, Talk about an obstacle, Right, right and the S, the struggle to. Oh my gosh, what do I do this? And the tragedy of everything lost, and it was a P, it was a pain. I was like what do I do? So for six months I didn't do anything. And one day I thought to myself you know what? I'm going to try it again. I've got to try it again.

Dan armstrong: 18:12

I always wanted to be an author and with the thousand words, wacky words of Dan Armstrong, that gave me a lot of practice to communicate ideas from the heart and the head, soul, mind, everything we are. How can I relate all this to people? So I went back and I rewrote the book. I found a different editor and so that came out in 2015. So I got a lot of positive response. I mean, books were selling all over the world. There was one on eBay the other day in Japan. It was all this Katakana, Hiragana, Kanji writing all around this ad about my book. I was like, wow, so that was so awesome.

Dan armstrong: 18:52

So I went to continue writing, but it took me a while and I finally knuckled down on an idea called Smart Dust. And it's real technology and I'm not a sci-fi writer, it's not even my genre, but I wrote this book, Smart Dust, the Dawn of Transhumanism. And it's. It weighs two pounds and our mutual friend Rex Sykes. He read it, he loved it and had me on his show, and so did Natalie Forrest Dr Natalie Forrest from the LA Tribune. And while when that got published, I went through this downhill of now what do I do? Because this sold like 1,000 copies in 93 days, which it wasn't bestseller, but it was pretty good to me for an entry someone going into the sci-fi realm and it's based on real technology, but anyway, I put something on facebook about the struggle of putting your heart and everything you have into something, and then it's done. Now what?

Dan armstrong: 20:01

now and I thought here I am, someone who still has to wear prosthesis, never been repaired. I still have to wear a prosthesis and it was one of the first times that I mentioned it that I was born with a cleft palate. See, I hid that all these years because I was ashamed of it. I was ashamed that people would wonder why my voice was nasal or had a different quality to it. Even though I was in a rock band, even though I had a radio show, even though I was doing public speaking, I still was ashamed to tell people. And I mentioned it. And a guy named Kyle Wilson saw it and loved it. And then I thought I mean, this guy is the founder of Jim Rohn International. This guy has managed and worked with people like Mark Victor Hanson of Chicken Soup for the Soul, zig Ziglar, les Brown, dennis Waitley, brian Tracy. Worked with people like mark victor hansen of chicken soup for the soul, zig ziggler, less brown, dennis waitley, brian tracy and holy crap. So I responded thank you, if you ever want me to write something for you, let me know. And he wrote me back. He says let's do a conference call. So a week later I hooked up with him and the result of that was writing a chapter in Think Big, which was a number one bestseller internationally as well as nationally 21 categories. Then there's Brian Tracy on the cover and there's Chris Gronkowski played with Dallas Cowboys, met him a couple times. Really cool guy, guy Kyle Wilson right there.

Dan armstrong: 21:57

So after that happened I kind of tied myself to Kyle for quite a while. I mean, I've got the guy's cell phone, I can chat anytime I really need it. He became such a mentor and I remember that date November 1, 2021. My life, the trajectory of my life when it came to being an author and someone who's not afraid to talk about their faults and their defects. That can become strengths. He allowed me to share that to a group in his home and he said, dan, you really have some stories that need to be told. And he invited me to write again in this book, next Level, your Life. And that was the number one bestseller in 35 categories. 10 were international.

Dan armstrong: 22:47

There's Tom Ziegler, zig Ziegler's son, simon Bailey. I mean, the man is an 11 times bestselling author and he actually in his last book put my book, the Cable Guy Adventures of Real Life Cable Guys suggested reading. And then, of course, there's Mo Rock. So I connected with Mo rock and here's another guy who really puts out a stage there and allows people to share their ideas, their hearts, their minds, their stories, and not just once or twice, multiple times, puts these things together and ava manual. They put these things together that really can rock your world. And but ava reached out to me from the la tribune and asked me if I would consider writing, and I wrote in this book the moral compass to a commentary author and I. And then at that same time this book came out the Chronicles of Elwick and this one. This one became a bestseller in seven categories on the launch day.

Dan armstrong: 23:56

On the launch day wow on the launch day, on on the launch day. I could not believe it. But I can believe it because, see, when you hang around people that you want to emulate not that you want to be like them or compare yourself to them, but there's always somebody better off than you and there's always someone worse off and if you can find the people that are ahead of you in the game of wherever you want to be podcasting, being an author, being a salesperson, being a father, being a family man, being an author, being a salesperson, being a father, being a family man Spend time with them. Many years ago I think it was either Jim Rohn or Brian Tracy said if you can spend time with a millionaire, take them out for breakfast or lunch and pick up the tab. So I did that when I was in my 30s and 40s. There was a local millionaire, the only millionaire I'd ever met my entire life, and I don't know how we met, but somehow we met through a mutual accomplice and we connected and for probably about 10 years, about every, about three or four times a year, I took him out for breakfast and I picked up the tab and I would say things like Mel, what would you do in this situation and he'd sit back and go.

Dan armstrong: 25:21

Here's what I would do, and I think it's so important to ask. I think it's so important to ask. Ask people for help, because I don't think any of us have all the answers. I help people start. If you are looking to write a book, I help people start. I'm a writing coach as well and I still ask people ahead of me what are your habits, what are your daily activities that keep you on track to do what you want to do, to fulfill your dream and your purpose, your passion? I have been rambling.

karen: 25:58

I think there's another book in there. Conversations with Mel.

Dan armstrong: 26:02

That would be a good one, wouldn't that be a?

karen: 26:05

good one. Oh my goodness, a picture of you guys at breakfast together. I think there's probably a lot of tidbits of wisdom, wouldn't that be a good one? Oh my goodness, a picture of you guys at breakfast together. I think there's probably a lot of tidbits of wisdom from every one of those conversations.

Dan armstrong: 26:15

You probably took notes too, I'm sure you did, I did, and it's sad because he passed away a couple of years ago and when I look back I miss him so much. When I look back, I wish I would have taken more notes. I wish I would have asked him out more often, because he was always available. He was always available.

karen: 26:35

That's. The incredible part, too, is that he is available and you have such a warm way about you that I can see why he would just love spending time with you. And I'm really touched by this story. I mean, overcoming is one of my favorite topics, and on the Hero Within podcast we're always sharing stories about people who've navigated adversity and how they have found hope and how they have found healing and life lessons. You could be the poster boy.

Dan armstrong: 27:03

Oh no, others have gone through much more and others have gone through much less, and your journey is totally unique.

karen: 27:15

So true.

Dan armstrong: 27:16

And my journey is my journey and I can only be the best Dan Armstrong there can ever be. I will never be the Mel Hurst, I will never be a Kyle Wilson. I will never be. And speaking of that, I was able to. Because of Kyle, I was able to sit down with one of my greatest mentors, icons, two times, two weekends, in his house, and that was Dr Dennis Waitley.

karen: 27:46

Oh you did. Oh my goodness. Dennis Waitley is one of my favorites.

Dan armstrong: 27:52

I was 25 when someone handed me a cassette album of his and said here's the psychology of winning.

karen: 28:00

Yeah, me too.

Dan armstrong: 28:01

What's this? And I started listening to it and that guy's voice, his voice just melted me. And 35 years, 34 years. I was like he was a giant to me. I have all his books, I have all his cassette stuff and CDs. And then Kyle says hey, we're doing a retreat at Dennis's house and this would be our second one. Would you be interested in coming? I'm like I mean 20 of us in his living room.

Dan armstrong: 28:30

Wow that infinite gathering oh yeah, I mean well, and we first meet at a restaurant the night before and we spend like two hours with him, and then we're out in the veranda looking at the ocean over La Jolla, and then the next day we meet up at his house at nine o'clock and we're there till probably five o'clock at night and then we go out for dinner with him. And then I went back the next year. Last summer I was there in San Diego on my birthday. Oh, so I got to spend time with someone who has been one of the trailblazers of personal development.

Dan armstrong: 29:12

And who am I? I'm just Dan Armstrong. I'm just this little guy from Lancaster County, and yet the whole world is open to all of us if we seek, if we knock, if we ask. And some of it is serendipitous, some of it maybe is planned and plotted and programmed. But I think it's up to us to be aware of our presence, like where we are, what's going on around us, and when the moment comes, take the risk, take the ride. Maybe don't think about reason, just do it.

karen: 29:48

You know, and you took the risk for you to go on stage. That could have been so terrifying just to hear your voice. I remember when I didn't even like to hear my voice on a tape recorder I was like that doesn't does it. If it does, that's awful. And it took quite a while growing up to where I started to feel more comfortable speaking. You could have easily said no, I'm never speaking and I'm never doing anything public like that. But you took the risk. What do you think it was? Maybe the impetus? Did your mom say you should join drama? Or what was it that gave you the courage?

Dan armstrong: 30:25

Well, I mean I kind of skipped over a pretty important part. When I was a young kid, my mom and dad had we had the Armstrong family singers and we would travel around the country every summer in different vehicles that we had and we put an album out when I was 12. It was called the Waterway to Start Out a Day day and I sang the lead song on the album and I think because we were in churches and campgrounds that people weren't going to be necessarily nasty to you, so they were very accepting. So you have like a I hate to say you have like a false sense of security that how you sound was fine.

Dan armstrong: 31:11

I listened to the album not long ago and I almost cried for this little 12-year-old boy who could barely sing. But my mom and dad were like, no, my brother actually wrote the song. He said, no, I want you to sing the song and I did. But I think when you put yourself out there and you try again and again, you learn valuable lessons every single time and you kind of start stacking them up to when you can stand on top of them and you've got the confidence.

karen: 31:47

Yeah can stand on top of them and you've got the confidence.

Dan armstrong: 31:49

Yeah, so every step, though small it may be, the Japanese I have a term, it's called Kaizen, and Kaizen is when you take a large project and you break it into very small steps until they're all manageable. Healing is the same way it's today. I'm going to do the best I can and then, maybe the next day you don't feel that great you say you know what? I'm not going to go all out today, but I'm going to make a step, and every step becomes a strength. Every step puts you closer to that, really that strong person that you need to be or can be.

karen: 32:26

Right.

Dan armstrong: 32:28

So my parents did encourage me quite a bit. So did my siblings. All my siblings were very and they were my advocates. When someone was around that would say something like what's wrong with his voice, or and it was really cruel how people would say stuff like this I mean, but that's how people are, they're ignorant and I think they're clueless to how powerful words are when someone is struggling with something.

Dan armstrong: 32:54

And I think that also carries over to strangers that we meet maybe the waitress, maybe the server, maybe the salesman, maybe your partner where you may not know what's going on in your mind at that time. And you, they say something and you speak out maybe harsh words and you're not really thinking wow, they. Something happened here.

karen: 33:21

Yeah.

Dan armstrong: 33:21

And they need to back off, because you have to read people. You have to read people.

karen: 33:27

Right. So I want to ask you a question. When your mom said to you that little nugget, this is a gift, did you feel like there were other nuggets? Because I'm thinking of it from a mother's point of view thinking how can I help my child to overcome the fears and the pain, and so taking the family on road trips, singing I mean, what an amazing opportunity. Did you hear? Did your mom ever say things like well it. Was there anything that your mom said during those years to help you to get on the stage or to help you to get over some of these fears?

karen: 34:00

Was there was there held on to like that thought that this is going to be a gift with her. Yeah.

Dan armstrong: 34:07

She would say I love the cake you made, make another one. And I mean so I don't know why I got it in me. I was 11 or 12 and I saw a recipe for German chocolate cake. So I got the ingredients together and I made the. I asked my mom can I make this cake? Yeah, you can make it. So I made the cake, did all the frosting, everything, and it was a pan and we cut it and everybody liked it. And about a week later my mom said to me can you go make that cake again? That was really good. Had nothing to do with my insecurities over here. She didn't realize she was building me up right here.

karen: 34:49

Yeah.

Dan armstrong: 34:55

So and then I think I cleaned my room up really nice one time and I said, mom, I want to show you. I got these posters at school and my heroes in school were George Washington, carver, booker T Washington and Abraham Lincoln. I had four posters in my bedroom. Most kids had Farrah Fawcett and all these other iconic people on the walls and I had historical figures. So and she was just hugged me. She just hugged me, danny, I'm so proud of you. I'm just so proud of you. She didn't have to say your speaking is getting so much better. Honestly, I don't think I ever heard her say that ever. I think she built me up as a person in all the areas of my life. Oh, your schoolwork looks really good. Good job, I noticed you got home on time last night Fantastic. Your friends are over and you guys cleaned up after you were done. I really appreciate that.

karen: 35:51

Interestingly enough, Are you doing things right?

Dan armstrong: 35:54

Yeah, everything I did right, she would tell me. I don't remember my dad and mom. We were strict. They were strict growing up, no doubt, no doubt. But I do remember my mom and my dad thanking us for doing things. So I will still say to my wife, if I come home and let's say she did something in the kitchen and it looks different and I notice it, I'll say, wow, what'd you do in the kitchen? Oh, I did this. I moved the toaster over there and I hope the mixers are, yeah, I love it. I moved the toaster over there and I hope the mixers are. Yeah, I love it. Thank you so much. And doing that for 36 years. My kids have picked that up. I have four daughters. They picked that up To elevate people, to thank people. Oh, I moved the mixer here and the toaster here. Oh, okay, hey, how about saying thank you?

karen: 36:49

How about it?

Dan armstrong: 36:50

I was doing a many years ago. I was doing marriage counseling for a young couple and I'm not a counselor, but they sought me out and one of the things the woman took away from that and the man was this they never said thank you to each other, like he would take out the trash. He would come in she would say what were you doing? I was taking out the trash, that's it. I said well, did you thank him? Well, no, well, you should say thanks for taking out the trash. So I think that was ingrained in my childhood. So other things my mother may have said is coming back to that question was make another cake. That meant a lot to me, that she felt that I was competent enough to take on that task at 11, 12 years old.

karen: 37:42

And that she valued it enough she wanted it again. She didn't just say thank you, she said thank you and do it again. Yeah.

Dan armstrong: 37:48

Make that cake again. And I made that cake a dozen times over some time and my siblings loved it. I don't remember the recipe, but I do remember hearing the words make another cake.

karen: 38:01

Right, and your gratitude. I think that depth of gratitude, first of all, to notice something, to be grateful for that you don't just miss it when the person takes out the trash, but you noticed and then to be grateful for those small things and then to express it. I sense that came from some of your pain, that those moments brought you a bit of joy, and so your gratitude was probably much greater than the average person in that kind of situation, and so that gave you the ability to feel it in a different way, probably deeper than most people, and then to express it and how that served you through your life. Wow, that's beautiful, and I know that came from the example of your mother too. So that's awesome. Well, speaking of examples, I want to talk about Uncle Richard. I know he said to you his little mantra that he always says. I want you to share that with the audience. Tell us about Uncle Richard and his role in your life and why he was such a special person in your life.

Dan armstrong: 39:06

He just turned well, he's 81 years old. Such a special person in your life. He just turned well, he's 81 years old, and I really didn't get to know my uncle until after my dad passed. And and we have these breakfasts the first Saturday of every month for the last 35 years and it was always my aunts and uncles getting together. We were kids, we didn't want to get involved, and then my older cousins started to go and that'd be kind of cool. So then we all started to go and eventually aunts and uncles start passing away. Well, he is one of seven children. He's the youngest. The oldest, my Aunt Mary is still alive. She's 96 or 97, I think, and Uncle Richard's 81. Yeah, she's 97. So my dad passed in 2010. My mom passed in 2013. And when your parents pass I don't know if yours are still around, but do you feel like you lose? I'm sorry.

karen: 40:09

Only my mom, but my wife yeah.

Dan armstrong: 40:12

Well, and I'll tell you what when you lose, especially when you love them, you may not always respect them. I mean, let's just say that there's always friction here and there with some of our relationships, but I loved them, oh, I loved them. And when my dad passed I had a real weird feeling in my heart, like I needed a man. Even though I didn't talk to my dad every day, I didn't need him, but I needed him as a father. So I started going to these breakfasts and this was after my mother had passed and my Uncle Richard was always there and he was kind of in the center of the table. People were around the table. He's at the center, not at the front, but at the center. Never sat at the head of the table, which I thought was really cool, kind of a humility gesture on his part, whether he knew it or not.

Dan armstrong: 41:10

But you could always rely on him. If you'd lean over and say, uncle Rich, he'd say how's your job going or what's your next book about? And he would listen, really listen. And again, I love my mom and dad. My mom would listen to me for hours. My dad not so much. My dad was a hard worker eighth grade education. Once in a while he'd say I'm proud of you, and he would definitely say I love you, but he wasn't a real good listener. But Uncle Richard, he's a good listener and it was like he became my surrogate father in that he would say the same words I'm proud of you, I love you. But then he would ask questions. What was the statement he said the other day I put on Facebook the past is a judge at best, the future is our teacher. Something like I wish I had it here.

karen: 42:08

I should have known that I, I tried to memorize it, I think it was. The past is not a prophet, at best, that's it.

Dan armstrong: 42:15

It's a teacher. It's a teacher. Yeah, that thank you. So we met. We had met for breakfast because he's been a writer for quite a while. He writes blogs and he has a pretty big following on a platform called Medium and he also has a newsletter he puts out and he's been writing for about 20, 30 years. But he sat me down. We went out for breakfast, he sat me down and he said I don't know why I've never tapped into you before. You've written three books on your own, you've written songs, you've written all kinds of things and I need your help. 81 years old to me, I need your help.

karen: 42:52

Wow, what a compliment.

Dan armstrong: 42:54

Yeah, we're going to work on the ideas he has. They're beautiful, unbelievable.

karen: 43:09

Beautiful nuggets, unbelievable beautiful nuggets of wisdom talk about wisdom.

Dan armstrong: 43:11

I should have something called chats with uncle richard. Yes, you should. That would be the book. Was he an inspiration to you to become a writer? No, actually, my first published book came out and I will tell you he was a huge encouragement. I'll tell you what happened my when my first book came out, the Adventures of a Real-Life Cable Guy. My large family, my Uncle John, had died and I went to the funeral and I came around and there was my Uncle Joe and my Uncle Richard, and my dad was already gone. Now my oldest uncle, art, was already gone, but there's two of my uncles, and Joe and Richard.

Dan armstrong: 43:40

Now, joe was a very he's gone now but he was very intellectual, very well-educated man, many two master's degrees, just very brilliant man, uncle Richard, however, no college education, but very brilliant. Well, I walk up, no college education. And my uncle Richard says in front of my uncle Joe, you should get Dan's book. It just came out. And my uncle Joe looks at my uncle Richard says, in front of my uncle Joe, you should get Dan's book. It just came out. And my uncle Joe looks at my uncle Richard and he goes he didn't write a book, like, didn't look at me Like he led this to me. He didn't write a book and I'm sitting there going and I left.

Dan armstrong: 44:17

I said yeah, I did, uncle Joe, and I thought I'm defending myself, I'm not going to do that. I am not going to defend myself, especially to a relative. And Uncle Richard says how do you know? And he says, well, come on. That's when he said come on. And it was very hurtful.

Dan armstrong: 44:39

But Uncle Richard says, joe, you have no idea what you're talking about. He wrote a book and it's fantastic and you should get one. And I said thanks, uncle Richard, and I walked away and here are two guys I looked up to. One was putting me down, one was lifting me up, and but Uncle Richard was, or still is, an inspiration because he was there to back me up and I think he would have backed me up even if I wasn't there. So, and that's a lesson to learn also, that sometimes people will bad mouth somebody to you and are we willing to go to bat for them, whether they're in our presence or not. And Uncle Richard showed that to me. He was willing to do that to his brother older brother, to do that to his brother older brother. So, but he is an inspiration in that his mind is sharp, clear and he's writing a book at 81.

karen: 45:28

Yeah, and I sense that he sounds like somebody that just loves to connect with people, which I sense with you, and so I feel like I feel like he's been an example to you. Yes, huge example yeah, A lot of ways with interpersonal relationships. It sounds like I just love hearing these stories. Can you share one more story with us before we go?

Dan armstrong: 45:54

I will share you a story that I wrote in this book Next Level your Life. I was in a band, so was my brother, dave, and we had a friend named Doug. And we decided to go to Philadelphia one day to buy some band clothing, because Lancaster County wasn't known as the fashion capital of the world. So we had to go somewhere that was exhilarating and fun, and New York was too far away. But Philadelphia hour and a half drive, two hours, let's go.

Dan armstrong: 46:20

Well, my mom got word of this. We're in our 20s, she's in her 40s, she goes can I come along? Like, oh my gosh, I guess. So we didn't have a lot of money growing up. But I went over and we picked up mom in the car and she jumps in the back seat. She's all excited and we're driving like half an hour. We realized mom was so excited that she ran out of the house, jumped in the car and it was a cold October day. She forgot to grab a coat.

Dan armstrong: 46:51

So we get to Philadelphia. We can't find a parking spot for nothing where we want to go to the shopping district. So we're zigzagging. We finally find a spot 10, 12 blocks away from where we got to go and we get out of the car and my mom says don't worry, I'll find a coat, I'll find a coat, I'll buy one. So dad gave me money. So we're walking through these filthy sidewalks spit, cigarette butts, just trash everywhere and we're zigzagging and we get to the shopping district and mom finds this beautiful coat and she buys it and puts it on us. Mom, you look fantastic. Mom, you look fantastic. Oh, I feel so good and it was probably a week's worth of pay from what my dad had earned at the time.

Dan armstrong: 47:35

Well, we're walking along and my mom's shoes are horrible. She goes I'm going to buy some shoes while I'm here. I have a little money left over. So, shoes Horrible. She goes, I'm going to buy some shoes while I'm here. I have a little money left there. So when we grew up, we walk into a shoe store. You buy shoes, you leave the old shoes there, you don't take them with you and they throw them away. So instead of walking around Philly with a box of the old shoes, she's wearing her brand new shoes. So then we got some food and days going on. We're about ready to go home. Time to go home.

Dan armstrong: 48:02

So we're starting to walk towards the car and it's like 12 blocks away and we see this woman sitting on a step and it's a vacant store and she's homeless and she has her hands cupped over her head face and her hair is matted and it's black and it's just disgusting. And she's wearing this paper thin dress. I mean there's hardly anything there. And she's wearing this paper thin dress. I mean there's hardly anything there. And her knees were like red from the cold and she was shivering and her feet, her toenails, were black. You could tell she was out in the elements and we walked by her and we're walking and suddenly we realized mom's not with us and we had walked quite a way. We turned around.

Dan armstrong: 48:45

My mom was born and raised in a little town in Iowa. This was a big city. This is before cell phones. So we're racing back to find mom and then we find her. She's with the homeless woman and she's sitting beside her with her arm around her, hugging her. She's with the homeless woman and she's sitting beside her with her arm around her, hugging her and she's trying to keep her warm. And she tells her won't you come with us? We'll take you somewhere.

Dan armstrong: 49:16

And we didn't know what to say and the woman was just ashamed, nodding her head like this.

Dan armstrong: 49:23

And then my mom stood up and she took her brand new coat off and she put it on the shoulders of the woman.

Dan armstrong: 49:33

And then she took her shoes off and she put them between the feet of the woman and then the food that my mother had saved for my dad's lunch or his dinner, she put it down by her side and then she hugged her one more time and touched her face against the matted, dirty, oily hair. And then she stood up and we walked back to the car over those 10, 12 blocks of cigarette butts Trash, just trash. And my mom took the place of that woman for 10 or 12 blocks. But what my mom did was change my life. And on my mom's tombstone is the scripture Matthew 25, 40, that says whatever you do unto the least of my brethren, so you do it unto me. And I've shared that story all over this country, on stages, when I was in the band, when I was on the radio, when I do public speaking, and on these platforms, on the LA Tribune and with Kyle Wilson and all these people that, when we are aware of our presence in the lives of other people, that's when we change the world.

karen: 50:52

Oh, my goodness, what an inspiring story. What a beautiful mother, what an angel mother, not only to be an angel to you in your own life with encouraging and bolstering you and helping you to change your perspective, but then to show you that example in her behavior toward other people as well. It's her authenticity and her genuine love for others is something that you've incorporated. I feel that from you every time I've talked with you, and that's a beautiful gift that you have, dan, and so I feel so honored to know you and I'm so grateful for you sharing your story with the audience and wow, that really touched my heart and I'm so grateful you shared that story with me and to take the time to share your message of inspiration and overcoming. Thank you so much for being with us today.

Dan armstrong: 51:43

You're welcome. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share again.

karen: 51:50

Every time I interact with you, I just feel this warm feeling. I feel so honored to know you and I'm so grateful for you sharing your story with the audience and all your amazing success with your bestsellers.

Dan armstrong: 52:03

Well, you can say we're co-authors with the LA Tribune.

karen: 52:07

There we go. Okay, that sounds good.

Dan armstrong: 52:09

We're connected, we are connected.

karen: 52:11

We are connected.

Dan armstrong: 52:12

Yeah.

karen: 52:13

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Dan armstrong: 52:15

I appreciate you too. It's been pure joy and you actually do a very good job as a podcast, because you I mean great questions, insights, and I've watched some of your others you do a really good job. You are, you're doing a good job.

karen: 52:29

Thank you. That means so much coming from you, yeah.

Dan armstrong: 52:32

Well, you have a wonderful evening.

karen: 52:34

Hey, talk to you soon.

Dan armstrong: 52:36

All right, bye-bye, bye.

karen: 52:37

Bye. Thank you so much for being here and listening to today's show. I know life is busy. I appreciate you and value the time we spend together. If you enjoyed this message, please subscribe, leave a review and include any questions you have for our guests. See the show notes to get the link to join our Facebook group email list and to listen and watch our episode on YouTube. Wishing you lots of love in your own hero's journey.